Posts Tagged With: CA

Diagnosis Part 5: MRI

I looked back on the last time I wrote a part of the “Diagnosis” story of my life and saw that it was on 05/17/12. It has been over a year since I wrote about the story of my diagnosis. That is how painful and hard my story is and how excruciating this next chapter is.  I had to be so ready to write it that I was bursting at the seams! Lately I have found it very challenging to come up with the words. I am a writer with too many words and no words. I truly believe there are not enough words in the English language to describe so much of what I’ve been through.

BUT IT’S TIME. IT’S TIME TO GET IT OUT. IT’S TIME TO TAKE ANOTHER STEP TO BE FREE OF THE TRAUMA.

As you can tell from the title, my focus will be the first MRI that changed my life. THE MRI.

Here goes. I know you’re all here with me so I’m going to jump in. I can already feel the adrenaline of anxiety rushing throughout my body. The emotions are rising to the top. Those really really hard emotions. I can do this.

It’s November 2002. I’m 25 at what I believe is supposed to have been the Prime of my life. Or at least I “believed” it was supposed to be. I gotta admit, if that year was the Prime of my life then I’d have nothing to hope for. That year my family had decided to have a family reunion of sorts with my Mother’s side of the family for Thanksgiving. We were all going to meet at my Grandpa’s up north in Monterey, CA and it was going to be a grand ole time! My sister had planned on visiting me in LA for the first time the week before Thanksgiving and we were supposed to hang out and cause some trouble before the family shenanigans started.

Looking back I’m not sure what I was thinking when I scheduled my first MRI to be at night on the first night my sister was visiting. I mean, I know why I scheduled it at night. I had to work during the day. My sister and I met at a small mall for lunch and she was going to hang out for awhile before I could get out of work. I was scared that day but on top of the world. I can remember feeling so proud and so “up”. My sister was visiting MY WORLD. I was going to show her MY WORLD. I had seen HER WORLD before in the past but this was mine. She’s older and I was so proud to show her LA, to show her I was “making it” out here. Still not sure what “making it” means but I digress. I can remember walking down the sidewalk at this mall and looking for her and thinking it was a pretty day and oh by the way, I had lost almost 50 pounds so I couldn’t wait for her to see that too. Weight has always been a challenge for all of us in the family so the idea that I could even lose 50 pounds was AMAZING!

Anyway, we met up, had lunch, I took her on a tour of my workplace and I was so so proud to do that. Look Lori, I work at a television station! I’m really starting to do what I came out here to do! Those were the thoughts in my head. Isn’t it weird how we can bring ourselves back to our past mindsets and know they’re familiar but almost not recognize them? That was over 10 years ago. I have been through so much since then. My mind even feels different.

I don’t remember much until I showed up at the hospital in Burbank with Corey and Lori and had to fill out the paperwork. Actually, much of that is a blur. I was so nervous. I’m sure I had decided to just have the MRI then because I had to wait weeks for my HMO at the time to process all the red tape to even approve an MRI for me so I just wanted to get it over with. Plus I had had sooooo many medical tests by then that had come up with NOTHING that I might as well get this done. If I didn’t do it then then I’d have to wait till after Thanksgiving. On a side thought, I wonder if that would’ve changed much of the course of events?

I then remember being called by a lady to “Come on in and we’ll get you started” and she lead me through white hallways. Please tell me, why must all hospital hallways be white or yellow? Why can’t they be calming colors or fun colors? And I know they’re supposed to be sterile but some decoration of some sort would be nice. And about the fluorescent lights…PLEASE GET RID OF THEM!

So the next thing I know I’m being sat down at a small table to the side in the middle of the hallway it feels like (at this point I was so not used to being in a medical fishbowl and everything felt like it had to be a secret and why were we sitting in public–even though no one was really walking by or anything) and this nice lady with long dark hair (blurred out everything else) sat me down, pulled out a pile of paperwork and a pen and proceeded to ask me questions I could not answer. That was the first day/night I ever heard about fibromyalgia. The who the what now? That was the first day/night I ever heard I could have symptoms of fatigue and that they were real. That was the first time ANYONE had ever asked me if I felt any real pain and where and did I have any other autoimmune diseases? What are those? Why was she bringing them up to me? That was the first time for so many things. I think I was a medical virgin or something. It was all so surreal.

Back then, the MRI machines (this was only 10 years ago) were very different than they are now. They were long tubes and they were dark and they were skinny. Here’s my thing. I was so much skinnier and yet I felt cramped in there. How could anyone bigger than me fit in there at all? I don’t remember much of the process just yet but I know I was hardly wearing anything. I had to take off all metal, all jewelry, my bra with the metal underwire, my pants with even a hint of a metal button (don’t think the button was metal actually). To be honest I can distinctly tell you what I was wearing that day. So weird. So much of it is a blur but what I was wearing is clear as a bell still to me. I was wearing my favorite navy blue long sleeve button down shirt that I had just bought in a size smaller due to my weight loss and I was so proud of me and of it. I was also wearing khakis that I don’t think I’d be wearing now. Not that I’d even fit in these clothes now but still. At the time I was wearing contacts so I didn’t have to worry about not seeing and feeling vulnerable that way and I had to wear a very thin white hospital gown. I felt so vulnerable and I also knew I was claustrophobic but I didn’t know how much because luckily I had never been put in that situation before.

These days I have had much better experiences with MRIs. I usually have one a year. I believe I’ve had at least 15 MRIs but if I count any that have been done in a row in the same session (meaning 4 in a row with all kinds of machinery and equipment locking me down and in and not being able to move for OVER 2 HOURS) I’d say it’s close to 20 by now. Each time they’re different. Fortunately, the technology is so much better and the MRIs I have had have been shorter, a bit wider, some of them have music and I don’t have to take off much of anything. The ONLY thing I usually have to take off is my bra still but that’s it. Why? Because they are usually only interested in my brain to see where lesions are for MS. Why did I have 4 in a row once? Well I was at USC where they have state of the art equipment and my MS Specialist Neurologist at the time wanted a whole picture of me. The technicians usually ask me if I want to take a mood enhancer drug of some sort to help me not care about the experience and I have told them No. I like being with it afterwards. Then again, if I EVER have to do such extensive MRI tests AGAIN that make me stay in one position for 2 hours then I will have to take a drug. I WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN COMPLETELY CONSCIOUS. I was in so much pain from not moving and I was told that if I moved even a little bit then they’d have to start over. Plus it can be extremely hard to get my head out of the “tunnel mode” and back into the big wide world with no tubes enclosing me. Oh and I have had an Open MRI before but to me it was worse because there’s no tube BUT it’s like they put you inside a sandwich of a top and bottom of a machine and you can see out the sides but it’s not like you can move your head to see them and all I kept thinking about was how it was going to crush me or the machine would eat me or something. But I digress.

You know, A LOT of people knew what was going on with me at that point and a bunch of them had had MRIs before and they all had different ideas of what they were like and some told me that they were awful and some told me that they were easy and so on…However I will tell you this, if you have never had an MRI before I will not tell you what it’s like for you. I will only tell you what it was like for me if you ask. I will however tell you that I’m sorry you have to go through that and wish you all the best. My experience was different than that of anyone else who told me what their experience was like. In fact it was so unique and traumatic that it’s so hard getting over it still which is why it’s so important for me to share with all of you what happened and to get it out.

Anyway, when the paperwork was finally done and I already was so nervous my heart must’ve been beating out of my chest at that point and I was in the paper thin white gown, I was lead into the room with the MRI. I remember the room being a yucky yellow and I saw this big machine and a little circular opening into darkness was there. I knew right away this was the MRI. It’s fight or flight right? My head was running away so fast yet my body stayed put. I’m sure I tensed up all over the place. I’m sure my breathing was labored. But I toughed it out. I could do this. Oh yeah and the room was cold because the machine could overheat fast. Plus it was already so so loud in there just from the monster machine. So they had me lay down on the thin flat cold table and locked my head in telling me not to move it. They put earplugs in my ears or headphones on (don’t remember), asked me if I was OK–UM does anyone see the logic in this? I still have technicians doing that with me. They block my ears and lock my head in so I can’t turn and can barely interact and then they ask if I’m OK. WHAT????? Did you say something? My instinct is to move my head. And then panic, oh wait I can’t. GEEZUM! Someone’s gotta tell them that makes no sense. Perhaps walking us through some hand signs would be helpful or something. Eye contact with me directly over where my head is locked in would be good too.

The next thing I know the table starts moving and I’m sent into the dark tube. The tube I could barely fit in. And they kept sending me into the darkness. Oh thank goodness the MRI machines I go in now are white and have a lot of light. I kept trying to remember what my Rheumatologist had told me. Look straight up and you’ll see a mirror that reflects the window to the room where the technicians are. Look at them if you need to. She reminded me that I’m not stuck in there. I could slide out if I wanted to. However all I could picture was panicking and trying to sit up and knocking myself out because I’d hit my head on the head cage or the tube or both. She told me I could wiggle my fingers if I crossed them on my stomach (really not too comfortable for all that time) and I could see them in the mirror so I’d be aware that I hadn’t detached from my body somehow. However, I was still sooooo scared to move. I didn’t want to have to do this over again. I just wanted it done with.

Meanwhile I’m aware that Corey and Lori are in the Waiting Room. I think it was in that dark long squished tube where I got a glimpse of how vulnerable I really was. I was locked in. I was taken away from my people. Yes I had watched too many movies, TV shows and read too many books but I’m not convinced “weird” stuff doesn’t happen. How do I know? I started thinking about how they were looking at my brain. I started thinking about how I had a brain. Hey, I really had a brain! What were Corey and Lori doing? Wow, this machine is really loud even with my ears blocked. Oh my goodness I have an itch on my nose. How much can I wiggle my fingers? Can I move my feet at all? Doesn’t any movement of my body move the rest of it? As I looked in the mirror into the other room, I wondered, how I had not seen that room when I came in? Where was it? What were they seeing? Why were there so many people in the room? Dang it! Breathe! Oh my goodness I’m in a dark long tube! How long has it been? Why aren’t they talking to me? Can they please not talk to me? Can they please not tell me how much longer? Wait why is it so silent? What do the sounds mean? What does my brain look like? Oh my goodness this tube is long. I hope there’s not a monster just waiting to grab my head in the part of the tube I didn’t enter. Why am I so far in? Didn’t Dr. S say I wouldn’t be pulled all the way in? Uh oh. Why the silence? That’s a long silence. I can do this.  Really I can. Uh huh. I got this. Soon enough it’ll be over and I’ll be on my way and Lori and I can have our visit. Why is it taking so long? Or has it been long? I’m feeling cramped. I’m so hungry! UM DID THEY FORGET ME? Why does this machine vibrate too? No one told me about that part? WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH ME? WHAT IF I HAVE MS? The mind loop was endless and I worked so hard not to get worked up that I was so stuck in my head. Did I have a body anymore?

So then I feel the table start sliding me out. I must be done. OK. I can do this. Phew! I’m done! Wait, that long haired lady is back and she has a serious look on her face. Does she have a serious look on her face? What is she doing? Shouldn’t she be pulling me out? I’ll ask her. Where’s my voice? Why can’t I say anything? Did I forget how to talk? Can I move? AM I DONE? What is she doing with that needle? WHAT’S HAPPENING?! No. No more needles. I’ve had enough needles and blood taken from me in the past 6 months. (Little did I know it was only the BEGINNING…).

I really don’t know if she told me she was putting “Contrast/Dye” into my veins. I just remember thinking that I felt like a specimen and some kind of experiment. I must be a part of a horror movie right now. Wait! I don’t remember being told I’d have this done. Why is it happening? She asked me what arm was best for veins and I told her I wasn’t sure. So she just tried. (I now know it’s my left arm just on the outside. Otherwise, my veins hide and don’t like being bothered. They’re busy.) OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! The shooting pain was abominable. I was strapped down. I think I jerked and she tried to hold me down and apologized and said she had missed it and would have to try again. I asked her what she was doing anyway I think finally and she said she thinks they might have seen something (ummmm not a good idea to tell me this and aren’t they supposed to keep their mouths shut?) and so they are putting ink in my veins to find out.

FREAK OUT BUT STAY STILL!

STAY STILL?! STAY STILL?!

OH MY GOD! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?! SOMETHING WRONG? WHAT DO I DO? I can’t have something wrong with me. My sister’s here. I’m supposed to be tough for her. I’m not supposed to show any weakness. And then she moved to the other arm. Yes, I’m still locked in. I have a ridiculous force of will to stay in one place because honestly my head had me sprinting out of there so fast and yelling and screaming down the hallways. GET ME OUT OF THERE!

And something in my head told me to try to calm down. Let’s just get this over with. It may be nothing. They had told me that before during this journey of finding out what’s wrong with me. They thought they saw something and I’d freak and worry and lose my mind and then I’d found out it was nothing or that oh so fun medical word, “inconclusive”. Oh the things I could do with that word…

So she tries my other arm and she just couldn’t get the vein. She didn’t just stab me this time but squeezed my arm so tight and had me clenching fists and FINALLY I think she got it. Meanwhile, the other arm was still screaming. She had gotten the ink in my muscle. Who knows what that did to me. I still wonder. Before she sent my head into that dark tube she asked me if I had anyone there with me  in the Waiting Room and I told her yes and who they were. She said she’d tell them it was taking longer than expected.

So she says, OK, this shouldn’t take too much longer and she sent me back into that dark tube abyss…to be in my own head…to freak out…to be so horrified and think I was living in a nightmare…Did anyone really tell Corey and Lori why it was taking so long? What did they say? Did they know more than me? A part of me knew, I KNEW, that something was really wrong with me. What it was was terrifying me. The possibilities were endless. Would I find out right away? Would I have to wait forever to find out? What now? This should be done with me! I want out! Get me out of here! I was clearly wound up with so much stress I could barely stand it. I don’t know how I did actually. I guess a survival instinct took over. I was so worried about what Corey and Lori were thinking and that this shouldn’t have had to happen while she was here and now what and my head just kept exploding with crazy thoughts.

FINALLY…

THE MRI MACHINE STOPPED…

AND I WAITED FOR-WHAT SEEMED LIKE-EVER FOR SOMEONE TO PULL ME OUT OF THAT TUBE.

I had tensed up so much I could hardly move. I was so in my head I could barely function. This time the person taking me out was a blonde older woman with curly hair and glasses and she looked directly over me where my head was and I’ll never forget her eyes and the way they looked at me and kept staring at me as she unhooked my head and loosened it all up around me.

SHE LOOKED AT ME AS IF I WAS GOING TO DIE.

DIE.

I still have those eyes of her’s so stuck in my memory that I don’t think they’ll ever come out. So as I’m still laying there and I now have my ears clear, she asks me all kinds of questions. How am I feeling? What are my symptoms? When did they start? Do I have anyone here with me now? And I can hardly talk. I try to sit up really quick and I almost fall off the table I’m so dizzy and out of it. I’m so traumatized. I’m 25. I’m invincible remember?

I also was incredibly tense with MS and didn’t know and probably lupus and didn’t know that for so many more years after that that it’s a wonder I didn’t have a major attack/exacerbation/flare right there on the table or in that room. She kept those “You are going to DIE eyes on me the whole time.” I felt violated and so alone. I just wanted to get out of there. And in that same tone with those eyes, she said, “Now I need you to call your doctor right away in the morning. It’s too late now because you’ve been in here so long.”–Oh it wasn’t just me thinking it was long? It REALLY was that long? Poor Corey and Lori! I was so used to trying to please everyone and entertain everyone that I couldn’t be anything but that strong person. How was I going to show myself? I didn’t even know what they had said to them. They must be so worried.

So I tried to sit up and that wasn’t happening very well. I almost fell off the table. I had “freaked out dark tunnel scared to death” head. Horrifying. Why didn’t I wake up yet? Worst nightmare ever. Especially those “death” eyes of her’s. She caught me as I teetered to the side and held me upright and still looked at me as if I was going to DIE right there on her. I wish I could be exaggerating here about how she was looking at me but to this day with everything else I’ve been through, I have yet to see “THOSE DEATH EYES” on anyone else. So she told me to just sit there for a bit and she’d go out into the Waiting Room and tell Corey and Lori I was done and coming out soon. She came back in and asked me if I was OK getting up.

YES! GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!

And I jumped up. Ooops. I stumbled and almost fell. Get me away from this woman please! She’s scaring me! Where was my voice? Did I even know how to talk? I had hidden me away somewhere deep into my brain. I was protecting me. I think I was a shell at that point. So upon seeing that I’m stumbling and clearly my legs are jello she tells me I’m going to have to ride in a wheelchair out into the Waiting Room and she’d be back.

WHAT?! A WHEELCHAIR?! I’M STRONG! I CAN WALK! I’M OK! I HAVE TO SHOW EVERYONE I’M OK! I CAN’T BE WEAK! PLEASE! NO!

I think I mumbled to please not do that but if she heard me she ignored me. All the while those “death” eyes on me as much as possible. I’m surprised she left me alone at all.

So she helped me a little too much into the wheelchair. By that time I had more of my bearings and was entering my body a little bit more from my hiding place in my head and I gave her a look like, “I GOT IT!” and forced myself into that chair. And then horrified, I was wheeled into the very bright Waiting Room where I saw Corey and Lori. As she’s rolling me she’s on a constant loop of telling me to call my doctor and not to ignore it and it was very important and when I finally found a voice to ask her what was wrong she told me she couldn’t tell me but that it was so very important and oh my goodness.

I was mortified that Corey and Lori would see me in a wheelchair because I mean really, I had only had an MRI. I was fine. I could walk. What the heck? I couldn’t look weak. I got this. Really. So still struggling to find my words, I try to get up out of the wheelchair ASAP and that blonde woman was STILL THERE! GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! DON’T TALK TO THEM! I HEARD YOU! I’M RIGHT HERE!

“Please make sure you talk to her doctor tomorrow OK. It’s so very important. You really need to do that. You can’t waste any time.”–as if I’m not there and I’m not understanding what she means and she gave them those same “death” eyes.

HERE’S MY QUESTION  TO HER OVER 10 YEARS LATER:

WHY DID SHE NOT MAKE SURE SOMEONE CALLED MY DOCTOR THAT NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT IF IT WAS SUCH AN EMERGENCY TO HER?! WHAT AM I MISSING?!

So she walks away and Corey and Lori are looking at me like I need to be treated with gentle hands. That’s what I felt like. Now I know they were looking at me like they were concerned and worried and they were allowed to be. They got those same EYES from that woman that I did about me. Scary! So as I start bawling and Corey’s telling me it’s OK and I can stay in the wheelchair as long as I need to and ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT WHEELCHAIR! I CAN WALK! I CAN GET UP ON MY OWN! LET ME!

I still had a bit of a hard time talking especially with the crying and finally he understood that I wanted to get OUT OF THAT FRIGGIN’ WHEELCHAIR and into a regular chair and I wanted to throw that wheelchair as far away from me as possible. Somehow FINALLY I found my way into a regular chair and I bawled and bawled. I think I left a piece of me in that MRI room. I lost a lot of innocence that day. I found out I was mortal. I found out I wasn’t invincible.

I was human.

HUMAN.

We sat in that Waiting Room for a long time while I regathered myself a little bit more. When I look back on that night I think about how Lori was there and Corey was there. I wasn’t alone. That was no mistake. That was why I had scheduled the MRI for that night. I needed my Sister. Corey needed my Sister too I think. My Sister and I were still struggling with our relationship then and I had to be me with her the next few days. ME. And that was OK.

And one side note: I’m not surprised I couldn’t stand that wheelchair. It turns out I get very dizzy in them or I used to even up to a year and a half ago. I don’t know about now and I’m very fortunate not to know. I’m so grateful I can still walk. It’s weird. I’m OK with others in wheelchairs (well as OK as I can be considering these people are having a hard time in some way) but I felt like I couldn’t be in one. However, I now know that it’s hospital protocol. The last thing they want is me falling on their watch because uh oh I might sue. Oh poor things…

That’s it for now. I’m glad I got it out. As you can tell, I didn’t DIE. I haven’t DIED  yet. I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. I’m too busy living.

And what happened after that?

ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! So much so that I need to recover from this post in order to write another one. I hope it doesn’t take me over a year because I think it’s ready to come out and I can tell already that I’m more healed from finally writing this.

Therapists have now told me that I am still suffering a bit from PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from just that one experience and that there are separate episodes to work through too all connected with this one. I believe it. I wish there had been enough sensitivity at the time to really see what I was going through. I feel it in my heart that we all need to see Therapists at some point in our lives but when going through such trauma as medical tests and the limbo part before diagnosis and then the diagnosis of the Chronic Illness along with maintenance care throughout–we should be REQUIRED to see a Therapist. To not talk about it is poison and can only make our health worse.

Medical Journey Trauma (I think I just came up with a new term) is REAL. And we all deserve to talk about it, process it and move on with our lives.

Oh and how do I feel about MRIs these days????

THEY STILL SUCK!

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Victory!: Cambria!

We’re home.  We’re back from Cambria, CA!

We had a wonderful, peaceful, soothing, gentle and adventurous time!  It was so good to get away for a couple of days with Corey and spend some time together–just us.  It has been years since we have been able to do that and I am sooooo happy we did it.

WE REALLY DID IT!

My lupus and multiple sclerosis behaved for the most part.  I had some weird symptoms showing up here and there but for the most part I think I felt better because I was so relaxed and distracted.  My walking every day has really helped in the long run when it comes to my ability to walk around and explore new places and my ability to stand for long periods of time.  I do still get store fatigue but I could stand quite a bit and what was interesting was that the sun didn’t bother me too much until the later afternoon.  The temperature was definitely cooler than LA especially at night but even during the day the temperature might have gone to 60.  Glad I was given a chance to be in cooler temperatures because it sounds like LA is going to get hot over this next week or so.  Blech.  But first things first and one day at a time I’ll make it there.

There was a jacuzzi spa jet tub in the room so that helped my body immensely.  I think if I had one of these I could get into every day my MS and lupus would be very happy.  I’d be getting that massage I needed daily.  Oh well.  One day.  I can dream.  We were also able to get massages before we left to drive home which were lovely.  There was a boarded walkway from our hotel, through the trees and towards the beach.  Wow!  What an amazing walk and sunset that was.  I tell ya.  There’s nothing like hearing frogs and ocean waves at the same time.  I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that.  And the sunset was magical.

The people there seem happy and are incredibly friendly.  We had a conversation with each local we met.  They were so welcoming.  I think perhaps it may have been partly because the economy has been way down since last November but I also really believe that this is how they are in general.

I have lots and lots of pictures to share with you soon once I get them loaded.  This trip came at THE PERFECT time…as my life is hitting the next turning point…there is no mistake we took this trip when we did.

And to finish, I’ll say that years ago we headed north from LA to San Simeon to see Hearst Castle and that was neat.  Hearst Castle is quite an experience.  What a view from up there.  That night we traveled a bit south to see what was going on in Cambria since it seemed like there was nothing happening in San Simeon.  It was dark and the businesses were only open for a few more hours.  Those few hours made a great impact on our lives and we knew we had to come back someday.  Well that someday came this past weekend and after being there for less than 48 hours I can honestly say it has now made an imprint on my soul.  May sound hokey but I believe it’s true.  Actually, I know it’s true.  What a beautiful, spiritual and peaceful place.

UH OH!  I HAVE BEEN BITTEN BY THE CAMBRIA BUG!

I can think of worse things…can’t you?

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MOMENTS OF PEACE PART 19!

Hey there!  Happy Friday!

Welcome to all my new followers.  All of you on my Blog journey rock my world.  Thank you so much for being here with me.  Today’s a bit harder for me after a pretty good week because I’m feeling “blech” and my Cleo Kitty isn’t feeling well at all today.  Poor little girl.

I can’t stand feeling “blech”.  At least my body hasn’t totally crashed like it did almost 3 weeks ago but at the same time, I have to rest and yet I’m a bit restless.  Such a weird place to be.  I had quite an active week so I know why I’m feeling this way.  It’s hard not to get too resentful that I’m feeling crappy today because I had more of an active week.  I mean, really?  Why can’t I just be active and then be tired and that’s it?  Nope.  My MS and lupus make me pay more attention to me and my choices and so that’s just the deal.  All shenanigans I had planned for today have to wait and well, so do I, I guess in some ways…

It’s Cleo Kitty feeling yucky that is always hard for me.  At least now we know it’s not cancer so that’s great but it’s probably some sort of immune related IBD of some sort and the hardest part at this point is to get her to eat again.  It hasn’t been a full 24 hours of her not eating but it is getting close.  I try not to freak out but of course I get sad.  She seems happy or at least positive, she’s up on the bed instead of underneath it hiding and isolated and she lets me pet her.  So all of these things are encouraging.  So I have a few other idea up my sleeve that I’ll be implementing soon to see if she’ll eat.  I hope they work.  She puked this morning and hasn’t puked since so that’s a big positive too.  But I’ll admit it’s hard.  She’s my daughter.  She’s my baby girl.  I want her to always feel good…even if that’s not realistic…

So I think in order to combat the “sads” I’m getting, I want to post some Moments of Peace I’ve had in the past few months.  Remember when I used to do those every week?  I gotta try to do those more regularly again because I really like doing them.  The last time I did a Moments of Peace post was in September 2012 I think.  Soooo, without further ado, I’ll post some Moments of Peace I’ve had in this new year of 2013:

 

Happy New Year 2013! Corey and I made it! Aren’t we cute? Apparently we are because we got a lot of compliments with this picture. I guess my forehead attached to his cheek is cute.

Happy New Year’s Day! Thank you to the first day of 2013 for giving me such a wonderful view from my balcony that morning! Such a gift!

 

My view on one of my walks in West Los Angeles, CA. It was a glorious sunset of glowing golden oranges and yellows…

 

I LOVE THESE WHITE PUFFY CLOUDS! White puffies are my favorite! There were white puffies the entire day when I took this picture. And look at that BLUE sky! Love it!

 

There are still some fall leaves in Los Angeles, CA. Go figure. While the leaves are dying, there are tons of new pine cones everywhere all at the same time. So interesting to really see it all happen this season. These fall leaves really caught my eye and made me nostalgic for my old home in New Hampshire…

 

The sky is always putting on a show. I watched the clouds and the sun set for about a half hour one evening and the show was mesmerizing as I watched the shadows and pinks dance around the clouds. The clouds were also making all kinds of shapes. It was a wonderful experience!

 

Soooo happy to see these new blooms on my new Christmas cactus! Soooo pretty.

 

Aren’t these flowers just luscious! Saw these in an arrangement and was so taken by them!

 

And these are even more luscious flowers within the same arrangement! I wanted to take the arrangement home with me but I think the people in the restaurant would’ve noticed…

 

This week I was able to take a day trip away from West Los Angeles, CA and drive about 45 minutes to Rancho Palos Verdes, CA where a friend of mine lives. It was an absolutely beautiful day and we had a great time! Here’s the Lighthouse at Palos Verdes, CA.

 

I think the sun and the ocean speak for themselves in this wonderful view in Palos Verdes, CA but to actually catch a pelican in view and in the picture was really great. My Granny loved pelicans and I’d like to think that she was saying “Hi” to me! Hi Granny!

 

My friend Kendra and I were absolutely belly laughing with hilarity and had completely lost it by the time we finally got this picture of the two of us! We just couldn’t get it to work no matter what! It was so much fun! I think you can see the laughter here in the picture which is why I love it so much. And by the way, she mentioned she thought it looked like there was a candle coming out of her head and well, now I can’t get that out of my mind. Hopefully she’ll read this and laugh again from it all. I’m giggling now just thinking about it.

 

Hey that’s me at the Lighthouse in Palos Verdes, CA! I’m picky about pictures of myself and I think this one isn’t so bad. Soooo, OK. I’ll post it.

 

On the drive home I was able to take some amazing sunset pictures along the way. I think this one speaks for itself. Breathtaking…

 

So I changed position of the camera, centered on the sun and zoomed in. This is what I got. Just breathtaking…

 

So from that same position as the previous picture, I zoomed in more and the result is well…it’s WOW…there are no words to describe…

 

And that’s how I’d like to end my post for the day.  I hope you all enjoyed my Moments of Peace.  Posting them helped up my mood a bit and feel more positive.  So happy to be able to share them all with you.

Have a wonderful and pleasant weekend all and thank you again for being you!

Categories: Moments of Peace/Pictures | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Celebrating a Very Happy 12 Year Anniversary with our Cleo Kitty!

Happy 12 Years with us, Cleo Kitty! And Happy Birthday to you too!

We celebrate Cleo’s Birthday today 10/10 too because we don’t know her real Birthday and since this day was so special for all of us, we count it as Anniversary and Birthday all in one!

I’ll always remember that day…

We had decided we were in need of a change. We had just moved to Burbank, CA from New Hampshire and Massachusetts (our home states) and had been living in a studio apartment for 10 months. We did OK but we were really struggling for our own space. Talk about feeling cramped.

So we decided we needed to move to a place that accepted kitties (we might have taken in a kitty at this place secretly but we lived directly across from the apartment manager and it would’ve been too obvious), and that it needed to be at least a 1 bedroom apartment.

SPACE AND A KITTY–that’s the answer…and it was!

Pretty soon after we made that declaration, it was as if the universe listened. Corey’s co-worker had mentioned that she had a stray kitty that she was befriending for over a year who really seemed like she wanted a home. She seemed domesticated because she kept trying to come in this person’s house as if she knew that was the place to go. This lady was so nice and would put out towels and blankets for her at night and give her food. I guess she had been coming by to visit this lady for about a year and at one point had had at least one litter of kittens that she had to parade by her so she could show them off. These two were clearly friends. She would’ve taken her in herself but she just didn’t feel comfortable with kitties. She had never had one and didn’t feel right giving her a home that wasn’t completely welcoming to kitties.

Corey caught onto this and told me about it. The problem was, we had just made this decision to move and get a kitty and were still in our non-kitty-welcoming studio apartment without a new place to go. BUT we went to visit her anyway. We just had to meet her. We heard how sweet this kitty was and how much this lady respected her.

As we got to this nice lady’s house, she told us to sit outside on her porch. That “Cleopatra” as she had named her (she would sit very regally and check people out–almost elegant) would be sure to come on by and check us out. I guess she had seen other prospective new people to own and would probably size us up too. Now where Corey’s co-worker lived was in the hills and her house was a bit up the hill from her neighbor’s right next to her, and it had a flat roof. “Cleopatra” liked to climb on these roofs. That’s how we first got a glimpse of her.

I remember seeing little legs and feet and then there she was. She sat on the railing on the porch and sized us up. I think that was really the only time she looked at me that day. She was too busy checking out Corey. And let me tell you, it was love at first sight. The two were immediately taken with each other. She gazed at him and he talked to her and Corey’s co-worker watched and said that she knew that Cleo had chosen him. So for a bit we just sat there and sized each other up. Corey was glowing. I’m sure I was too. I just didn’t exist. Cleo got off the railing, approached Corey and proceeded to circle his legs while brushing them with her tail. After one circle, she jumped in his lap…and Corey melted.

It was then and there we knew we were taken. That was it.

We were Cleo’s People!

And thus started a wonderful journey with our Cleo Kitty!!!!!

I love her so much!

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Picking Up the Pieces

Oh my goodness. What a weekend it was! I am so relieved to get through it.

On Saturday, it was 104 degrees here in West Los Angeles, CA! Crazy ridiculousness! Thank goodness the AC was working. However, it was still hot in the apartment if you ask my MS and lupus. OH yes it was. Yet, at the same time, somehow I got out with Corey to run some errands. I needed to get away from the building. Like in a car get away. I hadn’t been in a car to go anywhere in over a week and my little visits to the sun deck and my walks around the block just weren’t cutting it. Nope. So for sanity’s sake I got out and it was good to do so even though my body was yelling at me.

On Sunday, it was a bit cooler but still too darn hot. And it was an awful day because our Cleo Kitty (who’s been doing quite well since her cancer diagnosis in December 2011) was very very sick and we really weren’t sure what was going on. We think it was a bad reaction to medication but we’re really not sure. It was one of the hardest days I’ve had in a really long time. And the GREAT news today (Monday) is that she’s doing much better and almost seems like herself again. She didn’t eat for 24 hours. Very scary…when she did finally eat a little bit it was so exciting!

Meanwhile, I’ve still been fighting this small intestine bacterial infection. So while it was so hot and then Cleo was sick, my stomach was churning at times. The good news is that the infection seems to be getting better and I’m functioning more in my life. Today I stopped taking 1 of the 2 antibiotics I was on to treat it so hopefully that helps a bit to clear my head. I tend to feel a bit woozy on them.

So needless to say, we’re trying to settle back into a norm here. Thankfully it isn’t AS HOT here and Cleo’s recovering. I feel so blessed and grateful that we are given the gift of more time with our little girl. She is truly very special and definitely a fighter.

And as much as I feel like I SHOULD BE hitting the ground running, there will be no such thing today. I have a few more things that need to be done, one errand to do which will help me get out and otherwise it’s resting with Cleo.

Gotta give myself room to pick up the pieces and recover in all areas. Most of it can wait.

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Moments of Peace Part 14

Happy Friday!  I have an appointment with me to go galavanting today so I thought I’d post this now instead of later.  Thank you to each and every one of you for reading my story and letting me share that part of myself with you.

07/27/12 My view in West LA as day turns to night. Grabbed this in the Albertson’s parking lot.

07/28/12 My view in Santa Monica, CA as evening arrives. You can see just a wee bit of ocean just past the palm trees.

07/28/12 My view in Santa Monica, CA as evening arrives. It’s kinda cool to look down on a palm tree too.

07/29/12 My view in Westchester, CA as day turns to night…and…Corey’s head. Gotta love how he walked right into my shot and I’m pretty sure it was on purpose. Isn’t that little piece of hair sticking up such a lovely part of the view?

07/29/12 ANYWAY…my view in Westchester, CA as day turns to night…without Corey’s head.

07/30/12 My view on my walk in Pacifici Palisades, CA. I had just finished (FINALLY) eating after my “fasting” appointment, looked up as I walked outside and this lovely view was looking back at me.

07/30/12 My view on my walk in Pacific Palisades, CA after my “fasting” appointment. This palm tree had lots and lots of berries.

07/31/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. Well hello moon!

07/31/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. I love the grey wispies along with the orangey-golden glow.

08/01/12 My view from the sun deck as evening arrives. Fun with all kinds of clouds!

08/01/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. There was a lower layer of clouds. Felt like I could touch them.

08/02/12 My view from the sun deck as evening arrives. The sun was pretty intense.

08/02/12 My view from the sun deck as evening arrives. And the sun declares itself!

Categories: Moments of Peace/Pictures | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

Moments of Peace Part 7

Happy 3 Day Weekend All!  I hope you can enjoy the Holiday!  It will be a very special day for me on Monday because it’s also my Birthday!  I’m not sure how it’s already that time of year and I’m just gonna go with it.  It’s good to be alive.

Welcome to my new followers this week.  It is really so very cool to share my journey with all of you.  This week has been a very full week of ups and downs and roundabouts and I’m pretty exhausted.  Next week I am on a Rest-cation and I can’t wait!  I need the break badly.

It’s that time of week again where I like to review my Moments of Peace and share them with you:

05/18/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. Clear skies and lots of views of planes that night. We are in the flight pattern of 2 different airports and I really enjoy watching the planes fly by.

05/18/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. I really like how the sun’s reflections on the low clouds on the horizon give us the view of extra streaks of light.

05/18/12 Corey and our Cleo Kitty. These 2 are so in love. As you can see, Cleo has her own little playground on the floor with wrapping paper (that she just loves to sit on) and some kitty beds, and toys everywhere. We kinda like her.

05/19/12 My view from my balcony as morning turns to do. Some of the best views of the sky have come from my balcony. It is so nice to be able to see the big sky from our place.

05/19/12 My view from my balcony as morning turns to day. Another really neat view.

05/19/12 My view on a random street corner in West LA as day turns to night. I was running some errands and had to grab the picture before I lost the sun.  Oh and I grabbed it from the car.

05/19/12 My view in West LA as day turns to night. This time I wasn’t Driving While Taking Pictures and was on the sidewalk.

05/19/12 Being able to see Corey perform with improv group The Magic Meathands always gives me peace and lots of laughter. I was so happy to be able to get out and see him on the stage!

05/20/12 We went to Santa Monica, CA to see the solar eclipse on Sunday and it was wonderfully relaxing. The ocean always helps me feel at peace.

05/20/12 My view of the solar eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. The light was getting very dramatic at this point.

05/21/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. Gotta love the twinkling LA nights.

05/21/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. I turned to the right from the last picture and this is what I saw. Oh how I love the pinks!

05/22/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to evening. It was kinda hot. Look at that intense sun!

05/22/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to evening. I was trying to be artsy with this but it came out kinda weird. I really like the flatline effect of the sun.

05/23/12 My view on my walk in Santa Monica, CA. Look at that vibrant purple!

05/23/12 Had my absolutely favorite lunch at The Veggie Grill. They call it Buffalo Chickin’ Salad and it is not chicken. It is their own vegetarian version. It is so good and it tastes like chicken with the consistency too. I love it!

05/23/12 My view on my walk in Santa Monica, CA. Huge palm tree!

05/24/12 My view on my walk in Beverly Hills, CA. Such pretty simplicity.

05/24/12 My view on my walk in Beverly Hills, CA. Crazy strong sun!

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I HAVE A CRUSH ON ACUPUNCTURE!

I have to come clean.  I have a crush on acupuncture.  I LOVE IT!!!!!!  I can’t get enough of it!  I had an appointment today and my body is thanking me for taking the time to help.

It all started a little over 5 years ago when I finally took that long awaited leap into the well of Eastern Medicine.  I had heard rumors since I’d been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the time that acupuncture really helped.  To be honest with you I was scared.  I also had been taking an injectable  medication for my MS every other day for those 5 years and the last thing I wanted to do was add more needles to the mix.

Then a co-worker of mine just wouldn’t STOP talking about this acupuncture treatment she was getting from this really nice lady in Beverly Hills, CA and how I should try it sometime.  Well my goodness, I think I kinda went just to shush her up about it and it was absolutely THE BEST decision I have ever made about anything having to do with my overall health and well-being and it changed my life!!!

Not only is the acupuncture amazing but the acupuncturist is one of the nicest, most compassionate people I have ever met.  She sat there with me for two hours that first night and helped me learn all about me.  I was blown away.  She knew more about me than I did about myself.  She was able to pull diagnoses out of my mouth that I hadn’t even brought up to her yet.  I was thoroughly baffled.  And you know, to this day, she is able to pick up on things about my body that my other doctors haven’t even come close to considering.  She was the one who wondered if I had lupus, or what else could be going on besides MS.  She was the one who wanted to know what was going on with my digestion and thought it should get examined and the answer was a small intestine bacterial infection.  The list of her conclusions about me are endless.

That night I had my first treatment and there is no turning back.  She said my prominent issue was that I carried heat and have too much dampness in me.  I knew about the heat.  I didn’t tell her that I was always hot.  She could tell.  She said my skin felt like it was burning.  I didn’t know about the dampness but it explained why I have a hard time with the rain and with humidity.  So after she put the needles in my body she asked me how I was, put on some relaxing music, gave me an eye pillow and left the room.

I had the most profound experience.  I thought I was always going to have to be stiflingly boiling hot.  Within minutes it was like the dam broke and my walls started breaking down within me and the flood gates of cold started rushing through my body and I specifically remember the cold feeling started on my lower right leg and worked its way toward my head and over to the other side.  I thought someone had turned on the air conditioner or put a fan on me.  Nope.  That was acupuncture and that was only the beginning.  The feeling of RELIEF was an absolute miracle.  I didn’t know I could feel “better” like that.  I’m getting emotional just thinking about it still.

The other symptoms she has been able to help are fatigue, stress, hormonal, allergies, asthmatic issues, pain, stiffness, weakness, digestion, sore throat, sinus issues, upper respiratory infections and she has helped me find relief with my overall feeling of malaise.  The only time we hit a wall with my treatment was almost 2 years ago when I had my major lupus flare and we didn’t know I had lupus at the time and she really needed my doctors to help find the diagnosis in order to give me the best benefits.  She told me she thought she was flying blind.  Once she found out the diagnosis (lupus is one of the hardest diseases to diagnose) the treatments greatly improved again and I have been feeling even better ever since.

I have had a crush on acupuncture from then on.  After she and I agreed that I would benefit from acupuncture, she asked me if I wanted try acupressure and I took the next leap of faith.  Sure why not?  WOW.  That was amazing too.  My main flame of love starts with acupuncture and then follows to acupressure because for me I don’t get as much benefit with just the acupressure.  My treatment really needs to start with acupuncture and then go right to acupressure.

It is AMAZING!  I really feel like I have a crush.  I get all giddy thinking about having the appointments/treatments and I can’t wait to feel some relief.  My body is always active with some sort of autoimmune disease running rampant and it needs a “Pause and Calm Down” outlet.

Acupuncture has been the answer for me and I plan on continuing for as long as possible.

Categories: Appointments | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Motivation: SOLAR ECLIPSE

Yeah I had heard that we’d be able to see the Solar Eclipse on the west coast but I didn’t think too much about it.  Then Sunday morning it occurred to me that it sure would be cool to see it at the beach.  I brought it up to Corey later that morning and he said, “Well let’s go”.  I don’t think either of us expected that I would actually agree to do it…and then that I would ACTUALLY do it.

I LOVE THE BEACH.  I LOVE THE OCEAN.  It is my place to breathe.  It is my spiritual anchor.  It is where I find most peace and calm and feel most present.  I HAVE BEEN AFRAID TO GO TO THE BEACH since I was diagnosed with lupus almost 2 years ago due to all of the sun exposure.  Not to mention that I also have the fear of getting too hot from the sun and my multiple sclerosis acting up.  I have got to really figure out how I can get myself there more this year because I actually gave in (after some hemming and hawing) and let myself go!  I mean for goodness sakes!  It is only 4 miles away from where I live and I am in Santa Monica, CA ALL THE TIME for doctor appointments.  Why not just take a detour and even drive through there and see the ocean on my way through?

Anyway, I had a wonderful time!  It was hard to see the actual Eclipse happening for most of it but it was so refreshing to be one with the ocean again.  To stand in it and be a part of nature was so fulfilling for me.  I just had to share some pictures with you:

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. The glow from the sun was extra strong and so defined. The sun was more defined in this picture than in most I’ve taken.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. I turned away from the sun to see this palm tree and lamp post in the perfect artsy position for a picture as if they were posing. Thought it came out kinda neat.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. I am in my element.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Love this action shot of me doing my newest ocean dance move?

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Oh yeah. Look at that wave crashing. The waves were kinda crazy too.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Yes, I really did stand in the ocean. It was pretty chilly at first but it did get warmer the more I was in it.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Corey with his sexy blowing hair posing with the sun.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. There I am trying to be deep and pose with the sun. No sexy flowing hair for me. 

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. I sure was proud of myself for catching the lifeguard helicopter in the shot. Simple pleasures…sometimes.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. And then we went back in time and saw this beautiful ship.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. The sun was getting creative and producing these geometric shapes for us. Even the rays are in perfect places.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Can’t believe how perfectly aligned the ship, the paraglider thingie and the seagull are with each other and then with the sun in the background.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. The light started getting pretty dramatic.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. One of my favorite things to see in nature is the sunlight reflecting on the ocean.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. Behind me were these pretty white fluffy wispy clouds against a VERY blue sky. And of course the palm trees are awesome too.  Wonderful.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Santa Monica, CA. This line of palm trees caught my eye. I had to catch the view. And as you can see, there’s a light misty fog hanging in the air. Couldn’t see the mountains at all this time and the pier got lost too.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Westchester, CA. Alas, we had somewhere we had to be so we had to leave the beach and it was here that we saw a better view of what was actually happening during the Eclipse.

05/20/12 Solar Eclipse in Westchester, CA. I had decided to try to grab one more picture on the spot and it turned out to be the best one in the whole series of the actual Eclipse itself. You can see the Eclipse happening in what appears to be a smile of light just above the building almost to the center. It was really cool!

 

So as you can see I did it and I had a great time!!!!!!  Neither the lupus or MS bothered me at all while I was at the beach in the sun and I think it was because I was in the moment and I wasn’t worrying about it.  Usually I can feel the sun bothering my symptoms right away.  The symptoms didn’t show up until the next day when my body said it was time to live in a cave of darkness for the day (kicking and screaming might I add) and it really did help!

Thank you to the Solar Eclipse for giving me the motivation I needed to get out and get to the beach where I mentally feel my best!!!!!  I desperately needed to do that for my own sanity and today I can admit that it really was worth it.

Categories: Motivation | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Diagnosis Part 4: “9 Times Out of 10”

In October of 2002 I’m guessing I was out of my mind.  I must’ve been.  What was I thinking?  I was working a full time job, I had just finished working as a Production Assistant on a “B” movie that I never heard about again, I was still working out and eating really healthy and then I decided that I needed to get a second job because I just wasn’t making enough money.  Hey, I was 25 and I was invincible right?

Wrong.

It was October in Los Angeles, CA so I’m guessing it was quite hot.  It usually is at that time of year.  I wouldn’t have known because I was too busy running around.  I worked full time at my day job in television which had its own stress.  I walked every day during lunch and worked out at least three times a week.  I ate well and I had lost almost 50 pounds.  My second job consisted of working in a linen store and running around lugging big bed spreads and other bed linens up tall ladders and dealing with customers.  Things were going well…I thought.  Yeah sure it was a bit hard on me but it would be on anybody.  I could do it.

Somewhere along the way as my feet continued to tingle on the bottom, I started feeling that dreaded tingling symptom travel up my left leg.  Then it traveled to my left arm.  Then my left hand.  I denied it.  I ignored it.  It couldn’t be happening.  An echo of a memory of my Primary Care Doctor’s voice rang in my head from months before, “Is the tingling going anywhere else up your leg or in your arm?” and I told him no and asked him why to which he replied, “Oh no reason.  It could just be more serious if it ever happens”…”ever happens”…”ever happens”.  Those two words rang in my head but I pushed them away.

Did you know it’s really hard to push that tingling symptom away when it doesn’t go away?  I waited two weeks until the tingling sensation then jumped from my left hand to my right hand and then I admitted it to me and somehow told Corey about it.  I wanted to be in denial.  I wanted to believe it wasn’t happening.  If I didn’t talk about it it would go away.

So somehow I got over myself and called my Rheumatologist to make an appointment.  I sat in that exam room and I told her about these new symptoms.  She looked at me long and hard and kept her facial expressions very still.  Then she said she wanted to order an MRI for me.  I freaked out.  An MRI?!  BUT it’s just tingling.  That’s all.  MRIs are to check for serious things.  I only had tingling.  That was all I had been told by how many doctors till then?  Somehow I got out the words and I asked her, “Why an MRI?” and she beat around the bush a bit and said, “Well your symptoms could be indicative of many things.  9 times out of 10 it’s not MS but it’s always good to check just in case.”  And she also made some comments about the lack of attention from my previous Neurologists and how she couldn’t believe I hadn’t had an MRI before then but that she’d get it taken care of.

MS????  What did it even stand for?  I didn’t know it stood for multiple sclerosis.  Why would I know that?  It’s not like we learn about all of the diseases out there during our normal lives.  What was that?  It sounded awfully serious.  All I could picture was those poor celebrities we had seen in the limelight who were in wheelchairs, if anything.  Then again, why would it be MS?  I hadn’t been diagnosed with anything else so there was no need to jump to any conclusions now.

So how did she calm me down?  Well she talked to me about her health problems and how she had just had to have an MRI herself and she told me the tricks of where to put my hands and how not to feel too claustrophobic and what to do when I was in the tube, etc.  She tried to show me how she could relate and some of what she said still sticks with me now when I have to have follow-up MRIs as part of my multiple sclerosis healthcare plan.

You know I somehow knew I had MS.  I don’t know how or why but something about it clicked for me.  I spent a lot of time contemplating it and talking about it with Corey while I waited for my HMO to go through the horrible rigamarole that was “necessary” to get me approved to have an MRI.  I had to wait at least a few weeks to be able to schedule my MRI let alone have one.

And you know all of this didn’t stop me from keeping up with my crazy full schedule.  To me I had no reason to slow down and stop.  Not yet anyway…

 

The next Blog will be about my 1st MRI experience.  It was a truly traumatizing and life changing experience for me that deserves it’s own Blog entry.

 

Thank you for reading my story.  It is so very hard to write but so necessary to express and share.

Categories: Diagnosis | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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