That’s kinda what it feels like. The only other time in the past 2 years that I have gone 2 weeks in a row without doctor appointments, I was on a trip/vacation back east to visit family and friends and I was still DOING something. This is 2 WHOLE WEEKS WITHOUT A SINGLE DOCTOR APPOINTMENT OF ANY KIND!
Not kidding. I think there have been a total of 4 weeks during this 2 year period when I didn’t have an appointment and these weeks were not in a row. They were scheduled free single weeks here and there. I had to make it a point not to have an appointment and to schedule it that way.
Yeah that’s what the 2 years have been since right before my lupus diagnosis. I’m grateful to have such wonderfully proactive doctors (including a Primary, numerous specialists and those in eastern medicine) because they have REALLY REALLY helped me get better. They have been on me and I have been on them. We have worked as a team. We have done the work. And there’s still more work to do. The best part–it is working.
BUT RIGHT NOW–
I’m free! I scheduled it that way of course. And to be honest, I really don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like there’s something I HAVE TO BE DOING. I don’t know how to just BE. It was my idea (ha ha ha–me and my fantasies) that I would still be on “IT” all and get a bunch of stuff taken care of. There’s been a lot of medical business that has been left hanging. There’s been a lot that’s had to be put aside so I could focus on these doctor appointments. There are things in my personal life to take care of and do. There’s a bunch of people I want to be in contact with–you know, friends and people I actually LIKE talking to.
AND YET…of course that’s not really happening according to MY PLAN.
It’s like my mind crashed when I finally realized I was a bit more free. It couldn’t “DO” anything else. It couldn’t handle making a call to order a new prescription for a medication and I dragged myself the entire way (this is usually one of the easier procedures for me). IT WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RELATED TO DOCTORS.
SOOOO…things are a bit different than I’ve anticipated. Go figure.
I’m recovering from my 2 years of very active recovery mode. I’m sleeping more. That’s a MIRACLE. Trying to give myself credit for that. I’m resting more and even RELAXING at times. I’m learning how to take care of me. I’m learning how to be with just me. I’m learning to ACCEPT me (why is that so hard?). I’m learning how to not have anything that ABSOLUTELY NEEDS TO BE DONE. I’m committing to things like a daily guided imagery for sleep, eating salads every day, walking every day, resting more, adding more creative activities (this Blog for one), being gentle with me, etc. That’s A LOT of work and it takes up a lot of time.
I’m back to the old doctor grind in July but for now, IN JUNE, I will do my best to stay in the moment and be present to my world free of doctors. It’s really very lovely and peaceful. The word NURTURING comes to mind.
I could get used to this…