Posts Tagged With: water

Sinus Infection and Hope

Sinus Infection.

Infection.

Infection.

That’s what I feel like I’ve heard over and over again over the past few years especially. Perhaps I don’t hear it as much as I used to but for awhile I think I was just one big walking infection of one kind or another.

And today was no exception. The only difference is, I haven’t been to see a doctor about an infection for 8 months. I think I’ve hit a new record. If I’ve felt sickies coming they have been fought off by my own body and Chiropractic adjustments have helped a lot too.

So I called my doctor’s office this morning at 9am when they opened and couldn’t reach anyone till 9:30am. Turns out their phones were ringing off the hook for at least a half hour straight with people calling like crazy trying to get squeezed in for an appointment because so many people had the same symptoms I have had. They have had the puffy swollen face, the cough starting, the sinuses filling up, the fever, the feeling of the head being squeezed off, sneezing, etc. And I found out later from my Physician Assistant that most of these infections have started with allergies and become an infection. She also said that most of her patients have said it has hit hard and fast and feel like they’ve been hit by a bus. Well, yes, I kinda have felt like my head was hit by a bus actually.

Yes. Ugh. Ow. All that stuff.

I was miserable today. I’ve been in a funk and not feeling good as you all know by now. I tend to get really upset when I get sick because I feel as though I am sick enough with MS and lupus. I really don’t have anymore room for any other yucky symptoms and discomfort you know? I really don’t want to be sick anymore. I would love to get a break. I was just icky mentally and physically.

Yet as I drove to my appointment this afternoon I took a deep (as deep as I can when I have a tight chest congestion issue) breath and looked to my left at the ocean. I love this drive. I love the area I get to drive in to get to this doctor’s office. I love the area itself where it’s located. To be honest, it’s one of the main reasons I go to this doctor.

Anyway, I looked at the ocean and its sparkles and then looked to my right to the cliffs that so clearly mark PCH (Pacific Coast Highway) and I think it’s then that I found myself more in the Present again. It’s hard to stay Present when I don’t feel good. My head goes all over the place into the future, the past, backwards, inside out, sideways, and usually feels buried under bricks of ick. It was the ocean and the sunlight’s shadow play on the cliffs that struck me. There I was sitting in my car and feeling stronger than I have in awhile. I sat a bit more upright. I started feeling inside the rest of my body and realizing that this may be the first time I wasn’t completely overtaken by so many symptoms from all my ailments that I didn’t know what was bothering me. I just knew it all sucked. And I realized, I AM improving. I am feeling a bit stronger. This time I’m really going to the doctor to address the sickies. I don’t need to address all the MS, lupus, IBS and all the other symptoms that are completely overwhelming me. And for the first time in about 2 days I started to feel a bit more hope and positivity. That I’d make it past this.

I always find myself in this trap in my head. As if I’m never gonna get through the next wave of whatever is making me feel crappy. It feels permanent. Like I’m doomed. Quite often, though, the horrible wave passes and I pull out of that and go to the “normal wave” of discomfort.

But it was the ocean, the cliffs and sunlight that pulled me out just a bit. They gave me something to hold onto. And then as I talked to my PA at the appointment she helped me remember the progress I’m making and how far I’ve come compared to 3.5 years ago. She has always been there for me. She has coached me and encouraged me and also been able to take me seriously and with so much compassion. She reminded me that we are all human. That as humans we get sick. This is almost a normal thing to go through, this sinus infection. This is gonna happen. But she also acknowledged that yes it would be really nice if I could get a break. She knows how much I’ve been through.

So I’m now stocked up with antibiotics, mucinex, juices, water, tissues and anything else that will help me get better. I fought off this infection for 2 weeks on my own. THAT is a victory. This all still sucks but if I can pull my head out of the muck I can see where the hope is.

And as I’ve read before and I just love this quote:

HOPE: Hold On Pain Ends

It’s hope that keeps me going. So I will hold on.

Advertisements
Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Telling the Truth is Really Hard

TRUTH: The past 24 hours have SUCKED mostly physically but mentally too!  There I said it!

I TOLD THE TRUTH!

DETOX IS HARD!

ANOTHER TRUTH!

Being on an emotional roller coaster yesterday for HOURS was REALLY HARD!

MORE TRUTH!

Feeling A LOT OF PAIN, FATIGUE WITH HEAVY LIMBS, SHAKINESS, LIGHT-HEADEDNESS, WEAKNESS, TINGLING, WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A HORRIBLE KNIFING PAIN ON MY RIGHT SIDE (making me freak out it’s my appendix or something crazy) AND HAVING TO RUSH TO THE BATHROOM (TMI–just getting you ready) ONLY TO HAVE MY BELLY MAKE THE LOUDEST RUMBLING NOISES AND THEN ACTUALLY HAVING THAT TRIP TO THE BATHROOM BE PRODUCTIVE (used to not be in the middle of the night and I would suffer for hours so that’s something) AND THEN HAVE THAT PAIN GO AWAY BUT FEEL THE DIGESTIVE AFTERMATH IS REALLY HARD!  BUT–THANK GOODNESS THAT KNIFING PAIN WENT AWAY AND HAS NOT COME BACK.

YES I’M YELLING!

PHEW!

It feels so good to get it out.

I have only had 2 Chiropractic treatments in the past week, BUT I have also added an Alkaline Water Detox prescribed by this Chriropractic Doctor added to my treatment so it has been extra potent.  I CLEARLY have a ton of acid in my body.

IT HAS BEEN 1 WEEK AND MY BUTT FEELS KICKED FROM 2 CHIROPRACTIC TREATMENTS?!

OY!

You know, I have heard over the years from all kinds of people on social media and elsewhere talk about all the “GOOD” effects of Detox of the body.  NOT ONE OF THEM THAT I’VE NOTICED HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING NEGATIVE.  Did they ever feel anything crappy going on in their bodies or was it just absolutely divine and magical with birds chirping with light breezes as they frolicked over the rolling green hills singing songs from the “Sound of Music”?  That’s what it’s always felt like to me.  So I have no idea if these people have EVER felt crappy.

Is it because they don’t want to tell the truth because Gawd forbid they look weak?  Is it because they really are feeling JUST PEACHY (although if you ask me I’d never say I was Peachy because I CAN’T STAND PEACHES so it would be the opposite for me if I said I was PEACHY.  In fact let’s all make that note now.  PEACHY for me is CRAPPY.  OK then.  Now that we’re all clear.  Back to my ranting…) KEEN?  Did I even spell that word right?  The point is, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS FELT CRAPPY FROM DETOX?  AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS NOW TELLING THE TRUTH?

MORE ON MY TRUTH:  Okay.  So for the past 24 hours I have wondered what wall I hit this time.  In some ways I haven’t felt like this in a long time.  Felt like someone kicked my butt and the rest of my body really hard.  What’s interesting is that the first 24 hours after treatment were actually QUITE GOOD.  I think I was on a mental high and my body was TRYING to follow along.  I felt so much mental clarity and relief and life almost felt like it was ALL good no matter what.  I almost wanted to skip down the street singing “La la la” but my legs weren’t QUITE up to it.  Oh and just to be clear, I didn’t feel up to frolicking through the rolling green hills singing songs from the Sound of Music.  I wasn’t THAT good.  That’s good right?

Anyway, I did so much in that 24 hours because I thought, WOW, I can do this.  This Chiropractic treatment stuff rocks.  It was ONLY the 1st Treatment that would be really hard at first.  Perhaps I’ll be feeling this later but not now.  LIFE IS GOOD.  I got home, made some medical business calls, wrote a Blog post, did stuff and things and I DID let myself REST a bit BUT THEN off I was running out to get groceries that evening while my mental hyperactivity was still on overload (I think now that I look back).  I mean, we NEEDED groceries and my head told me it was RIGHT then no matter what.  So I left at 6:30pm and by 7:30pm as I was almost done my ARMS started telling me they were really tired and didn’t want to work much more and then they were in pain.  Then by 8pm my BODY was done.  By 9pm my MIND was done.  And yet there was still some clarity so I stayed up way too late.  I CONFESS.  I didn’t LISTEN enough to my body at that point.

Got up for a dang Fasting Appointment the next morning to have blood work done with a doctor I have VERY mixed feelings about and thought all was going to be OK.  I was still OK.  Sure I was tired but Fasting Appointments are really hard for me.  My body with its MS, lupus, IBS and you NAME IT needs its routine.  No food means no medications.  No medications means my body is already unhappy.  No food yet already being active when on a normal day it usually takes me over 4 hours to really feel like I can go on with my day as a human being is not a good thing for me.  At least let me have some food.  PLEASE.  If my body lets me that is…

ANYWAY, after the appointment, I ate and I felt a bit more invigorated YET to be honest my body was starting to protest more.  And then I ran around doing too many errands at once when I should’ve just gone back home to at least get some more rest before doing them made my body VERY UNHAPPY before 12pm.  The appointment had been at 8:30am.

BY 12PM I had HIT A WALL.

ALL DONE.  Had to push to do the basics.  The emotional roller coaster (was told this would happen even more and be magnified according to my Chiropractor as the emotions are cleared out and released from my body and it was ALL part of the healing process) started for the next 5 hours at least, my body had a hard time letting me do the basics like get up and move around.  It was shaky and weak and in pain.  SOOOO DONE WITH ME.

So I rested.  AND RESTED SOME MORE.  Resting helps.

RESTING HELPS.

Phew.  Sometimes resting doesn’t ALWAYS help the way I want it to.  My body has been recovering ever since.  I’d get waves of physical symptoms into the night last night and then there was that time in the middle of the night of complete and utter pain and discomfort and I’ve been working through that ever since.

SO GLAD I CAN WRITE THIS.

Yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to write this in any way.  ALL OF ME WAS DONE.

DONE.

But this Blog post has been bubbling up to the surface ever since I FINALLY was able to really get up out of bed today.  EXTRA SLEEP HELPED TOO.  I HAD TO WRITE THIS TODAY.  I HAD TO EXPRESS MYSELF.  I know it is all part of the healing.  I call it EMOTIONAL HAIRBALLS.

Meanwhile at the same time, as I think about how my body is overall, I know it’s not a regular lupus/multiple sclerosis flare.  I know my body is flaring up because all kinds of healing trauma (WHAT?  HEALING TRAUMA?  Parts of me want to object to what I just wrote and argue with me.) because it feels cleansing.  It feels like all kinds of toxin crapola is being FORCED out.  My mind is clearer.  My body is clearer.  So strange to say that and feel it and NOT REALLY BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE IT.

So the FEAR comes up.  Is this Treatment too much for me?  How will I do this?  I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY BODY WORSE.  I CAN’T MAKE MY BODY WORSE.  I DEAL WITH ENOUGH.  IT’S HARD ENOUGH.  But then the nurturing side of me comes in and gently reminds me that I am feeling better at the same time.  I’m going to NEED TO BE VERY UPFRONT with the Chiropractor tomorrow at my next treatment and tell him EVERYTHING that has gone on in the past 24 hours BEFORE he jumps right in and manipulates my body into its relieving craziness of the next treatment.  He had told me it would be hard especially at first and to try to trust and be honest with him and myself in all ways at all times about how I’m doing.  That we would adjust treatments accordingly.  He also told me I’d have to rest more.

That’s hard to do.  I’m TRYING to have a life and I have SO MUCH going on right now.  FINDING BALANCE is a whole other issue I’m dealing with.

WHERE DOES IT ALL FIT IN?

Well what I have to remind myself is that it all fits in the way it is supposed to fit in.  It will all work out and it will happen or not happen BUT the world still turns.  It doesn’t explode because “MY PLANS” didn’t work out the way I liked.

DO THEY EVER?

SO WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO FORCE MY PLANS OVER MY LIFE?  It doesn’t work that way.

So for now I’ll go back to resting and doing THE BEST I CAN WITH WHAT I HAVE.  It feels really good to have communicated this today.  Thank you ALL for reading.  It means so much to be able to get it out and STOP HOLDING ONTO IT.  Something tells me this may not have come out if it wasn’t for this detox and new treatment journey I’m starting.

I feel much better and calmer right now and I will enjoy it while I can.

Take care all and please if you can, be gentle with yourself and your body.  Healing can be really hard but what I’m discovering is that I’m worth it and so are you.

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“And…I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR PURPLE HAIR!”

That’s what the really nice lady said at my Chiropractor’s office today as she pulled me into one of the  Treatment rooms.

It had been a really long wait at his office today because he celebrates Passover and had squished in a bunch of appointments earlier in the day so he could leave in the afternoon, so I had waited over an hour.  And what surprised me was that I didn’t get too stressed out about it.  I gotta bring my book more often because I bet this happens every once in awhile.  That’s all.  Otherwise, I tried to use it as chill out time.

Anyway, the incredibly spunky lady who works the front desk (I haven’t met her yet till now since this is only my 2nd treatment and I think this doctor has 2 women working for him and I’ve met the other one only) pulled me in the room and quietly said but with exclamation, “OK.  2 things…” and she gestured her 2 fingers up in the air to stress her point.  “The first thing before we get started…I’m so so so sorry for the wait today.  Our office is closing early because we are celebrating Passover so we are distracted (but don’t worry he won’t be distracted when he’s with you).” she said in a hushed voice.  And then she still so discreetly continued, “Plus as you know the traffic was awful due to all this stupid construction out there and it was hard to find a parking spot so all of our patients have been later today.” And she had a brief pause and said, “AND…” and I’m not kidding you, she starts almost flailing her arms up and down and hopping a little bit, “I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR PURPLE HAIR!  I LOVE IT!  I LOVE IT!  I LOVE IT!”.  So I’m starting to laugh out loud about her reaction to my hair because she caught me so off guard because she was so careful at first with what she was telling me and then she says, “I’m sorry.  I would’ve said it earlier and I’ve been DYING to tell you for over an hour but I didn’t want to single you out in front of the other patients and I wanted to stay quiet but since you’re in here now I can tell you.  I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF!  YOUR HAIR IS SO AWESOME!”.

(Well OK then…)

There I am and I’m supposed to be having worked on relaxing (already know this after my first treatment) so that the doctor can work on looser muscles and joints if possible and she’s getting me all excited about my hair.  And so we had this lovely giggly conversation about how much she loved it and loved that I had the guts to have purple hair and how she could NEVER have purple hair in her world so she just applauds women all the time who just express themselves and let themselves be “WILD” as she almost yelled again…

“OK.  OK.  I have to calm down now so you can calm down or the doctor will be mad at me for getting you excited but then again he wants us to be warm and friendly to you and loving so this is what he gets.  Anyway, I love it.”

I thanked her a bunch and even after the treatment and she still pointed it out as I left.

What a hot ticket that lady is!  Can’t wait to see her again and more.  She seems like someone I need more of in my life.  I want her energy.

As for my 2nd Chiropractic Treatment, it was really great.  The doctor came in and said, “Hey Superstar!” and I said “Is that because I made it to my 2nd appointment?” (by the way, it’s hard to talk with your face down in those things on the table but anyway…) and he said, “Absolutely!” And we talked about how I was doing.  I told him all the improvements I had been feeling since just the first appointment and some of the symptoms I was having and we got started.  Wow.  He really does so much work on the body AND he makes me work too.  LOTS OF BREATHING.

LOTS OF BREATHING.

Apparently oxygen is GOOD FOR YOU.

And I nearly jumped off the table (not sure how since I was face down…) as he ground his hand into my foot because it was “Ow-ie” and yet it was a relief or I would’ve stopped him.  At one point I had this crazy fit of giggles, more like a BURST of giggles (my usual giggles times 10 at least) as he released something in my neck (one of the biggest issues right now in my body) and I told him I just had to laugh and he said, “DO IT!  LET IT OUT!  WHOOO!  YOU LET THAT OUT!  You deserve it.  You just undid a HUGE knot!  WE DID!  I feel it too.  I wanna laugh too!  THAT WAS AWESOME!” and so I did a burst of giggling (I have already heard some of the craziness that is coming out of these rooms with other patients while he’s treating them and it’s only been 2 times there so I must’ve also sounded pretty funny with my huge BURST and he was cracking up too).  It felt good to get it out and then just as fast as it came on, it left.  He said that would happen but with different emotions and to keep letting it out.

We did a bit more treatment, he had me drink some water to rest and regain my equilibrium and I was on my way.  I can tell this whole Chiropractic experience is gonna be quite a trip!  So much personality in that office.  Other doctors and their personnel could learn A LOT from these cool people.  WOW!

As for how I’m feeling a few hours afterwards, I’m definitely doing better than the first treatment.  My body isn’t in as much “SHOCK” as it was the first time.  It kinda gets it now.  Who knows what’s next.  For right now I’ll take whatever I can get for relief.

RELIEF.

I like that word.

Definitely feeling pretty even with my emotions and my body right now too.  I’ll take it as long as I can.

I have my next chiropractic treatment Thursday.  Can’t even imagine what’s in store!

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: