TRUTH: The past 24 hours have SUCKED mostly physically but mentally too! There I said it!
I TOLD THE TRUTH!
DETOX IS HARD!
Being on an emotional roller coaster yesterday for HOURS was REALLY HARD!
Feeling A LOT OF PAIN, FATIGUE WITH HEAVY LIMBS, SHAKINESS, LIGHT-HEADEDNESS, WEAKNESS, TINGLING, WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A HORRIBLE KNIFING PAIN ON MY RIGHT SIDE (making me freak out it’s my appendix or something crazy) AND HAVING TO RUSH TO THE BATHROOM (TMI–just getting you ready) ONLY TO HAVE MY BELLY MAKE THE LOUDEST RUMBLING NOISES AND THEN ACTUALLY HAVING THAT TRIP TO THE BATHROOM BE PRODUCTIVE (used to not be in the middle of the night and I would suffer for hours so that’s something) AND THEN HAVE THAT PAIN GO AWAY BUT FEEL THE DIGESTIVE AFTERMATH IS REALLY HARD! BUT–THANK GOODNESS THAT KNIFING PAIN WENT AWAY AND HAS NOT COME BACK.
YES I’M YELLING!
It feels so good to get it out.
I have only had 2 Chiropractic treatments in the past week, BUT I have also added an Alkaline Water Detox prescribed by this Chriropractic Doctor added to my treatment so it has been extra potent. I CLEARLY have a ton of acid in my body.
IT HAS BEEN 1 WEEK AND MY BUTT FEELS KICKED FROM 2 CHIROPRACTIC TREATMENTS?!
You know, I have heard over the years from all kinds of people on social media and elsewhere talk about all the “GOOD” effects of Detox of the body. NOT ONE OF THEM THAT I’VE NOTICED HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING NEGATIVE. Did they ever feel anything crappy going on in their bodies or was it just absolutely divine and magical with birds chirping with light breezes as they frolicked over the rolling green hills singing songs from the “Sound of Music”? That’s what it’s always felt like to me. So I have no idea if these people have EVER felt crappy.
Is it because they don’t want to tell the truth because Gawd forbid they look weak? Is it because they really are feeling JUST PEACHY (although if you ask me I’d never say I was Peachy because I CAN’T STAND PEACHES so it would be the opposite for me if I said I was PEACHY. In fact let’s all make that note now. PEACHY for me is CRAPPY. OK then. Now that we’re all clear. Back to my ranting…) KEEN? Did I even spell that word right? The point is, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS FELT CRAPPY FROM DETOX? AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS NOW TELLING THE TRUTH?
MORE ON MY TRUTH: Okay. So for the past 24 hours I have wondered what wall I hit this time. In some ways I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Felt like someone kicked my butt and the rest of my body really hard. What’s interesting is that the first 24 hours after treatment were actually QUITE GOOD. I think I was on a mental high and my body was TRYING to follow along. I felt so much mental clarity and relief and life almost felt like it was ALL good no matter what. I almost wanted to skip down the street singing “La la la” but my legs weren’t QUITE up to it. Oh and just to be clear, I didn’t feel up to frolicking through the rolling green hills singing songs from the Sound of Music. I wasn’t THAT good. That’s good right?
Anyway, I did so much in that 24 hours because I thought, WOW, I can do this. This Chiropractic treatment stuff rocks. It was ONLY the 1st Treatment that would be really hard at first. Perhaps I’ll be feeling this later but not now. LIFE IS GOOD. I got home, made some medical business calls, wrote a Blog post, did stuff and things and I DID let myself REST a bit BUT THEN off I was running out to get groceries that evening while my mental hyperactivity was still on overload (I think now that I look back). I mean, we NEEDED groceries and my head told me it was RIGHT then no matter what. So I left at 6:30pm and by 7:30pm as I was almost done my ARMS started telling me they were really tired and didn’t want to work much more and then they were in pain. Then by 8pm my BODY was done. By 9pm my MIND was done. And yet there was still some clarity so I stayed up way too late. I CONFESS. I didn’t LISTEN enough to my body at that point.
Got up for a dang Fasting Appointment the next morning to have blood work done with a doctor I have VERY mixed feelings about and thought all was going to be OK. I was still OK. Sure I was tired but Fasting Appointments are really hard for me. My body with its MS, lupus, IBS and you NAME IT needs its routine. No food means no medications. No medications means my body is already unhappy. No food yet already being active when on a normal day it usually takes me over 4 hours to really feel like I can go on with my day as a human being is not a good thing for me. At least let me have some food. PLEASE. If my body lets me that is…
ANYWAY, after the appointment, I ate and I felt a bit more invigorated YET to be honest my body was starting to protest more. And then I ran around doing too many errands at once when I should’ve just gone back home to at least get some more rest before doing them made my body VERY UNHAPPY before 12pm. The appointment had been at 8:30am.
BY 12PM I had HIT A WALL.
ALL DONE. Had to push to do the basics. The emotional roller coaster (was told this would happen even more and be magnified according to my Chiropractor as the emotions are cleared out and released from my body and it was ALL part of the healing process) started for the next 5 hours at least, my body had a hard time letting me do the basics like get up and move around. It was shaky and weak and in pain. SOOOO DONE WITH ME.
So I rested. AND RESTED SOME MORE. Resting helps.
Phew. Sometimes resting doesn’t ALWAYS help the way I want it to. My body has been recovering ever since. I’d get waves of physical symptoms into the night last night and then there was that time in the middle of the night of complete and utter pain and discomfort and I’ve been working through that ever since.
SO GLAD I CAN WRITE THIS.
Yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to write this in any way. ALL OF ME WAS DONE.
But this Blog post has been bubbling up to the surface ever since I FINALLY was able to really get up out of bed today. EXTRA SLEEP HELPED TOO. I HAD TO WRITE THIS TODAY. I HAD TO EXPRESS MYSELF. I know it is all part of the healing. I call it EMOTIONAL HAIRBALLS.
Meanwhile at the same time, as I think about how my body is overall, I know it’s not a regular lupus/multiple sclerosis flare. I know my body is flaring up because all kinds of healing trauma (WHAT? HEALING TRAUMA? Parts of me want to object to what I just wrote and argue with me.) because it feels cleansing. It feels like all kinds of toxin crapola is being FORCED out. My mind is clearer. My body is clearer. So strange to say that and feel it and NOT REALLY BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE IT.
So the FEAR comes up. Is this Treatment too much for me? How will I do this? I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY BODY WORSE. I CAN’T MAKE MY BODY WORSE. I DEAL WITH ENOUGH. IT’S HARD ENOUGH. But then the nurturing side of me comes in and gently reminds me that I am feeling better at the same time. I’m going to NEED TO BE VERY UPFRONT with the Chiropractor tomorrow at my next treatment and tell him EVERYTHING that has gone on in the past 24 hours BEFORE he jumps right in and manipulates my body into its relieving craziness of the next treatment. He had told me it would be hard especially at first and to try to trust and be honest with him and myself in all ways at all times about how I’m doing. That we would adjust treatments accordingly. He also told me I’d have to rest more.
That’s hard to do. I’m TRYING to have a life and I have SO MUCH going on right now. FINDING BALANCE is a whole other issue I’m dealing with.
WHERE DOES IT ALL FIT IN?
Well what I have to remind myself is that it all fits in the way it is supposed to fit in. It will all work out and it will happen or not happen BUT the world still turns. It doesn’t explode because “MY PLANS” didn’t work out the way I liked.
DO THEY EVER?
SO WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO FORCE MY PLANS OVER MY LIFE? It doesn’t work that way.
So for now I’ll go back to resting and doing THE BEST I CAN WITH WHAT I HAVE. It feels really good to have communicated this today. Thank you ALL for reading. It means so much to be able to get it out and STOP HOLDING ONTO IT. Something tells me this may not have come out if it wasn’t for this detox and new treatment journey I’m starting.
I feel much better and calmer right now and I will enjoy it while I can.
Take care all and please if you can, be gentle with yourself and your body. Healing can be really hard but what I’m discovering is that I’m worth it and so are you.
175th Blog Post!: Doing My Best to Focus On the Positive
175 Blog posts I’ve written!!!!!
I am blown away that I keep on writing. It’s been helping me so much. You’ve been helping me so much. All of you who Follow me, stop on by to read a few posts, comment on my Blog, email me personally (I know I still owe some of you responses) and who support me help me stay positive.
I was told by my Chiropractor last week that I needed to start adding EVEN MORE positive thoughts, elements, stuff, things–whatever it is for me to be positive–at least twice more a week. He told me how some of his patients have done that. As he’s been treating me, some emotions have been coming up like FEAR, anger and just being really frustrated. Some of the emotions have been good too. But in order to cushion the impact of the hard emotions (trying not to say negative because perhaps IT REALLY ISN’T NEGATIVE TO HAVE THESE HARD EMOTIONS), he’s highly suggested I add more “up” things to my life.
So yesterday while I was getting my apartment cleaned (one of the best things I have ever decided to let SOMEONE ELSE DO because there’s no way it would get done any other way), I found myself wandering a mall for awhile before sitting down, eating lunch and hanging out.
Here’s what I found in a store:
I LOVE THESE “KEEP CALM” SAYINGS…and this one FITS ME PERFECTLY!
HOW AWESOME IS THIS?! I mean it is SOOOOO ME! It’s a hue of purple, it’s a “Keep Calm” saying, it says “Sparkle” and I love sparkly things, and it’s on a plaque thingie that I can put up on my wall to remind me to keep calm and sparkle. It really helps me to remember that it’s all gonna be OK and I can get through anything because if I can deal with having MS and lupus I can deal with a lot of other crap…EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE I JUST CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE…and believe me it feels like that often.
So this was one of my first attempts at finding more positive things to focus on. Today I had PLENTY to get my nerves all in an uproar and then I saw that in my bedroom sitting on my bookshelf at eye level and it reminded me to BREATHE and remember what’s more important.
MY LIGHT FROM WITHIN IS MORE IMPORTANT.
It’s not this other crapola that keeps getting in my way.
I’M WHAT MATTERS…
So after dealing with some tough stuff, I made sure to go walk on the treadmill in the “new” (I say it in quotes because it’s been in the apartment building now for probably a year but it’s “new” to me) for a bit and then head up to the sun deck, look at the sky and the world around me and remember what really matters. It’s also incredibly humbling to see that I am a little thing compared to the rest of the world. My problems aren’t AS BIG as the world so it helps to put them in perspective.
And then to think I’m well on my way to 200 BLOG POSTS!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for being a part of my life.
I can’t wait to see what else is in store…well maybe I can…but to know I’m not alone helps a lot!