I’ve been sort of MIA lately because I’ve been doing a lot of healing. And man is it hard.
It always seems to me like healing should be something soothing and soft and gentle. Sure that happens sometimes in the process of healing. Then again, there are those skinned knees that scab over again and again and no, that’s not comfy at all is it? Lately it’s been some of the hardest crud I’ve gone through. And I mean crud. Yet deep down I feel like it’s time. This is it.
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m now seeing a Chiropractor at least once a week. He wants to see me twice a week but so much crud (he uses that word and I’m starting to use it again) has been coming up that it takes me a week to heal from it. Yet, it’s all a good healing. I’m beginning to feel like I can become a whole person. I feel better even though my body gets twisted and contorted in weird ways. And/or he has me working on some emotional healing within the therapy.
Right now his new technique for me is something called NET or Neuro-Emotional Technique and it is fascinating. I can’t really explain it except that he was able to tell just by pushing down on my uplifted arm and putting his finger in the middle of my forehead that I had emotional blockage somewhere in my body and that that was playing a huge part in my physical symptoms and my messed up mind these days. It was crazy. When he didn’t put his finger in the middle of my forehead and pushed down on my arm I was able to push back up. When his finger was on my forehead and he pushed on my arm it went straight down and I had no strength to push back. He had basically disabled my arm. CRAZY AND FREAKY. Apparently it’s sooooo many emotions that are just flying all over the place and I’m not sure what to do with all of them so my body stores them for me and well, let’s think, that’s probably not good huh? So not only am I dragging up feelings and emotions but now they’re all just apparently free to come on up even when I didn’t invite them.
CRUD CRUD CRUD.
I’m also going to a Therapist now who I believe was sent to work directly with me. She loves the color purple, she’s bright and peppy, her office is close to where I live, and she’s also very compassionate and knows how to reach me in ways no one else seems to be able to–even ME! She’s revealing a part of me I didn’t know existed or just wasn’t ready to know or something. Talk about uncomfortable YET it really is helping. I feel like I’m getting detoxed of yucky poisonous feelings. She’s cracking my shell and the feelings are just flooding out.
Apparently it was time for all of this to come up. Wish I had gotten the memo from me that it was time to really work on all this stuff.
It’s kinda crazy how it happened that I found these 2 very important Specialists on my path right around the same time.
Next thing I know I’m in the Chiropractor’s office at the first appointment and I’m wondering how I got there and how is it that it all happened so fast. I mean my friend had just been raving about him and there I was. Then I end up having 2 doctors arguing (and not even knowing it) over a medication I’m on and telling me I should see a Psychiatrist to see what the actual Specialist says about it all and the next thing I know I’m in a Psychologist/Psychiatrist’s office and again, kinda wondering how I got there.
I’ll repeat, it would’ve been nice had someone informed me this was all gonna happen. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t black out and become another person or my alter ego…at least I think I didn’t…no really. I remember asking about these 2 Specialists but I don’t remember deciding to take the action. Hmmm, could it be that I’m not taking FOREVER to think it all out as much as I used to and perhaps I’m going more with my gut? That I’m following the Path I’m supposed to be on and just doing it?
Still…WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO GET THE MEMO.
Just sayin’.
So for now I’m going to try to take the advice of these 2 incredibly valuable Specialists who have already changed my life in less than 6 weeks and try to be patient. They both tell me that crud is going to come up, that things are going to be messy and that it’s okay that things are messy. Really. It’s okay if things aren’t all done my way.
Weird. I mean it’s all supposed to be done and planned in an orderly fashion or at least “Nahleen’s orderly fashion”. Well that’s not happening.
I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable, exposed, vulnerable and raw and yet I’m feeling the safest I’ve ever felt…whatever that means.
Guess there’s more to find out. I get to find out about who this shiny new Nahleen is I’m becoming. My Therapist encourages the purple hair. She says it’s only the beginning. Now it’s time for more piercings and tattoos according to her…She’s convinced there’s a much more wild and open Spirit in me just desperate to come out and she’s trying to gently tell all of me that it’s okay to come out.
So for now I just keep on trudging through the crud. I feel like a clam who just lost its shell and now waits to be eaten by the predator who broke that shell. Poor clam. I feel so bad for it. Must be awful. I’m such a softie. Hey that can be my new Activist project. SAVE THE CLAMS!
Perhaps another time…Continuing on this side note, I’m so relieved I don’t like to eat clams or I may have just ruined any chance of ever eating them again.
What’s cool is I’m pretty sure I won’t be eaten and that I’m going to be OK. Crud and all.
Nahleen.com: On the Inside Looking Out 
*PLEASE READ: A Very Special and Personal Response From a Friend…
Yesterday I posted a Blog asking all of you how you loosen up and lighten up. You can see the Blog post below.
“Looking for suggestions!
How do you loosen up and lighten up? My visits to the Chiropractor have really shown that I need some major help when it comes to mentally loosening up and lightening up! Enough already. I’ve really worked so hard on myself lately and over the past years to help loosen and lighten up more but I still have a long way to go!
So please! Have at it! Would love to see your comments below about how you loosen up and lighten up! I am still so tightly wound it’s going to take more than purple hair, a Spiritual Path, physical recovery, nature, white puffy clouds, my Cleo Kitty, laughter and quality time with my husband, all the awesome people in my life, all the wonderful support in my life, dancing, walking, stretching, reading positive things, listening to positive music and speeches, affirmations, watching positive shows (what are those?), etc.?
ANY AND ALL IDEAS ARE WELCOME! COME ON. DON’T BE SHY!
Thank you all. Hope you have a great week. I’m acting as if it’s going to be a great week and you know, it helped A LOT and today (Monday) was actually a lot better and much more positive and even NICE at times compared to ANY DAY last week.”
**TODAY I RECEIVED ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFTS I HAVE EVER RECEIVED IN THE FORM OF A RESPONSE/COMMENT, FROM A BEAUTIFUL FRIEND OF MINE NAMED SHELLEY. THANK YOU SO MUCH SHELLEY. YOU MOVED ME IN WAYS I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE. YOU ARE TRULY A VERY SPECIAL WOMAN AND I AM HONORED TO KNOW YOU AND CALL YOU MY FRIEND.
PLEASE READ. I HOPE IT CHANGES YOUR LIFE AS MUCH AS IT HAS MINE. I’VE POSTED IT BELOW:
“Hi Nahleen! Well, I can easily find a lot of reasons to be heavy and dark and not loose and light. I could tell myself, I am a sad sad single all alone overworked mother undergoing cancer treatments and surgeries. So many people would take out the violins just for me!! I could get easily sucked in to the undertow of blackness. And have been even when I was doing all the things I was supposed to do. But since my diagnosis I have become a lot lighter. I will try answer your question to the best of my ability.
I laugh at myself. A lot. I let the light of God get in through the cracks. I see my dark dirty hideous patterns and instead of shaming myself for their humiliating ugliness, I laugh at it. I tell on myself. And I tell my secrets.
When I am sad, I cry and if I can’t I just tell people, “I am really sad but can’t cry.” If I am angry, I just acknowledge it. And I keep a light and loving relationship with myself. I say I love you to everything. Myself, my son, my cat, the trees, the food I eat, even people I don’t want to like. I just say it in my head. I say I love you to my hurt back, my surgery site, the doctors, my medication, my hair, my cells, my car, my crazy head, my perception of the world that is most times off. I just keep saying I love you.
And telling on myself.
I love you Nahleen. Thanks for your blog and giving me the opportunity to connect with you. You are beautiful.
Shelley”
THANK YOU AGAIN SHELLEY. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.
I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH. THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE…
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