Posts Tagged With: physical

The Crud of Healing

I’ve been sort of MIA lately because I’ve been doing a lot of healing. And man is it hard.

It always seems to me like healing should be something soothing and soft and gentle. Sure that happens sometimes in the process of healing. Then again, there are those skinned knees that scab over again and again and no, that’s not comfy at all is it? Lately it’s been some of the hardest crud I’ve gone through. And I mean crud. Yet deep down I feel like it’s time. This is it.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m now seeing a Chiropractor at least once a week. He wants to see me twice a week but so much crud (he uses that word and I’m starting to use it again) has been coming up that it takes me a week to heal from it. Yet, it’s all a good healing. I’m beginning to feel like I can become a whole person. I feel better even though my body gets twisted and contorted in weird ways. And/or he has me working on some emotional healing within the therapy.

Right now his new technique for me is something called NET or Neuro-Emotional Technique and it is fascinating. I can’t really explain it except that he was able to tell just by pushing down on my uplifted arm and putting his finger in the middle of my forehead that I had emotional blockage somewhere in my body and that that was playing a huge part in my physical symptoms and my messed up mind these days. It was crazy. When he didn’t put his finger in the middle of my forehead and pushed down on my arm I was able to push back up. When his finger was on my forehead and he pushed on my arm it went straight down and I had no strength to push back. He had basically disabled my arm. CRAZY AND FREAKY. Apparently it’s sooooo many emotions that are just flying all over the place and I’m not sure what to do with all of them so my body stores them for me and well, let’s think, that’s probably not good huh? So not only am I dragging up feelings and emotions but now they’re all just apparently free to come on up even when I didn’t invite them.

CRUD CRUD CRUD.

I’m also going to a Therapist now who I believe was sent to work directly with me. She loves the color purple, she’s bright and peppy, her office is close to where I live, and she’s also very compassionate and knows how to reach me in ways no one else seems to be able to–even ME! She’s revealing a part of me I didn’t know existed or just wasn’t ready to know or something. Talk about uncomfortable YET it really is helping. I feel like I’m getting detoxed of yucky poisonous feelings. She’s cracking my shell and the feelings are just flooding out.

Apparently it was time for all of this to come up. Wish I had gotten the memo from me that it was time to really work on all this stuff.

It’s kinda crazy how it happened that I found these 2 very important Specialists on my path right around the same time.

Next thing I know I’m in the Chiropractor’s office at the first appointment and I’m wondering how I got there and how is it that it all happened so fast. I mean my friend had just been raving about him and there I was. Then I end up having 2 doctors arguing (and not even knowing it) over a medication I’m on and telling me I should see a Psychiatrist to see what the actual Specialist says about it all and the next thing I know I’m in a Psychologist/Psychiatrist’s office and again, kinda wondering how I got there.

I’ll repeat, it would’ve been nice had someone informed me this was all gonna happen. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t black out and become another person or my alter ego…at least I think I didn’t…no really. I remember asking about these 2 Specialists but I don’t remember deciding to take the action. Hmmm, could it be that I’m not taking FOREVER to think it all out as much as I used to and perhaps I’m going more with my gut? That I’m following the Path I’m supposed to be on and just doing it?

Still…WOULD’VE BEEN NICE TO GET THE MEMO.

Just sayin’.

So for now I’m going to try to take the advice of these 2 incredibly valuable Specialists who have already changed my life in less than 6 weeks and try to be patient. They both tell me that crud is going to come up, that things are going to be messy and that it’s okay that things are messy. Really. It’s okay if things aren’t all done my way.

Weird. I mean it’s all supposed to be done and planned in an orderly fashion or at least “Nahleen’s orderly fashion”. Well that’s not happening.

I’m feeling incredibly uncomfortable, exposed, vulnerable and raw and yet I’m feeling the safest I’ve ever felt…whatever that means.

Guess there’s more to find out. I get to find out about who this shiny new Nahleen is I’m becoming. My Therapist encourages the purple hair. She says it’s only the beginning. Now it’s time for more piercings and tattoos according to her…She’s convinced there’s a much more wild and open Spirit in me just desperate to come out and she’s trying to gently tell all of me that it’s okay to come out.

So for now I just keep on trudging through the crud. I feel like a clam who just lost its shell and now waits to be eaten by the predator who broke that shell. Poor clam. I feel so bad for it. Must be awful. I’m such a softie. Hey that can be my new Activist project. SAVE THE CLAMS!

Perhaps another time…Continuing on this side note, I’m so relieved I don’t like to eat clams or I may have just ruined any chance of ever eating them again.

What’s cool is I’m pretty sure I won’t be eaten and that I’m going to be OK. Crud and all.

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CAMBRIA HERE WE COME!

YIPPEEEE!!!!

Heading to Cambria today at some point when we can pull ourselves together! We have reservations at a spa/hotel/resort in a room that has a king size bed, jacuzzi style tub with spa jets, a fireplace, a pillow top bed, a spa to get massages and facials, supposed live entertainment on Saturday nights, a luxury continental breakfast in the mornings, a walkway that connects to a boardwalk that leads through a State Park straight to the ocean and the list goes on and on! I can’t wait!

Yesterday was the kind of day that went really well in the beginning and it all flowed really well and then about halfway through after making a business call it sank and it sank fast. I don’t want to get into it but this trip has come at the PERFECT TIME!

Not only is Cleo Kitty doing quite well (and we have a lovely lady coming to watch and stay with her who has bonded with her in the past which I tell you is a VERY RARE THING if you’re not Corey or myself), I am feeling much much better from taking care of myself and going to the doctor and taking antibiotics that IMMEDIATELY kicked that infection’s buttinsky and from the storms happening last night that ACTUALLY INCLUDED ONE HUGE BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHTNING AND THEN A HUGE CRAZY CRACK OF THUNDER RIGHT OVERHEAD (which is VERY RARE AND EXCITING IN LA) so that helped me get some physical relief, I’m actually feeling up to taking a road trip (WHOA! LOOK AT ME GO!–haven’t been able to plan a road trip or trust that I could do one longer than 2 hours and that was pushing it…for AGES it feels like), I’m going with Corey and I can’t remember the last time we got away just the 2 of us to a place that wasn’t connected to anyone we knew (don’t get me wrong I love my peeps but we need some REAL TIME AWAY), and well IT IS JUST TIME.

So off we go at some point today. Part of this whole trip is the road trip. We will get there when we get there. I used to love road trips with Corey. We have the best time if we just go with it. I keep thinking we should be hurrying up and leaving now but then that’s not either of our styles to be honest and that would kick my already emotionally fragile lupus and MS butt that has made my physicality a bit fragile too today. So when it’s meant to be that we go, we go.

To be honest, after that phone call yesterday regarding YET ANOTHER BIG LIFE DECISION (HAVEN’T I MADE ENOUGH OF THOSE LATELY!? A GAL NEEDS A BREAK HERE AND THERE!), if I wasn’t already getting away and planning on running away anyway to try to relax and clear my head, I would’ve run away anyway. I have mentally had ENOUGH!

So enough of this writing chatter. Gotta get back to my self care so we can get the heck outta here.

THE ONLY DOWNSIDE?

… (sad face here) Leaving Cleo Kitty. I haven’t left her since the whole “cancer” episode (I say that because she is so resilient and awesome that she doesn’t seem to have cancer (really long story–but she does have some other serious health problems and sensitivities. Never did get a definitive diagnosis because she’s a kitty and didn’t need to be more traumatized than she already was for goodness sakes) and that was in December 2011. We are quite attached to each other and have been each other’s caretakers since then. So as much as I know it is for the best, it will still be hard. But we will be back Sunday night. And I have to remember that the fact that we can even leave her at this point is amazing. In November we had planned a similar trip to celebrate 15 years together and 6 years of marriage and had to cancel it because her health was so questionable and we couldn’t leave her. Now I look at her and it’s hard to believe that happened. She’s so in the mood to keep living and we finally got to the bottom of her health stuff too so that’s good.

Anyway, I keep babble-writing. Off I go!

Write soon!

Oh and to my new followers HI! Yay! Thanks for joining me on my crazy path. To my commenters–yay thank you for commenting! I plan on responding next week.

Have a great weekend y’all! I know I am not the only one going through this thing we call life and holy moly it can be hard and intense…

Love to all!

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It’s An ’80s Kind of Day Part 6

Yay!  I’m so excited!  I get to look at ’80s videos and listen to the music from my childhood.  I love it!  Ready?  I am!

1. St. Elmo’s Fire: Man In Motion (Theme Song) By: John Parr (Who?)

OK.  Who didn’t love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire?  I wanted to be as cool as these kids (who weren’t kids to me when I was a kid–they were all growed up) and Rob Lowe was just sooooooooooo cute.  What the?  What’s with this guy John Parr’s hair?  Is he supposed to be a part of the movie as he sings this or something?  I mean, Rob Lowe was just so cute.  Heck, he’s cute now still.  Who cares about his little video tape scandal way back when?  He’s cute.  And in the movie he was one of those “Bad Boys”.  “Bad Boys” were such a temptation for us “Good Girls”.  Oh I love that scene where Demi is in the room alone rocking back and forth with all the windows open and the curtains blowing so dramatically and then he bursts on in to save her!  So what ever happened to Judd Nelson?  Or any of those other big ’80s actors for that matter?  OH I get it.  John Parr’s watching them while in the movie.  He’s a stalker.  OK.  Now I’m really freaked out.  He’s singing to the cast in the end.  What’s happening?  Oh and I remember the “Good Girl” got the “Bad Boy” in the end…sort of.

2. Physical By: Olivia Newton-John

OH boy.  Those were the days.  I’m pretty sure I had to put on my leotard and leg warmers and get physical–you know–do exercise.  That is what I innocently thought this song was about way back when.  Oh the untainted minds of youth.  WHAT?  It is about doing exercises or isn’t it?  You decide.  WHOA.  That guy is like wearing nothing or something on that bicycle.  There sure are a lot of muscley sweaty glistening guys OM without faces in this video.  Help!  Those shaking buttocks are scaring me!  What was that?  I think I’m tainted for life.  I am so loving her head-sweat-band thingie.  Why does she have a strange halo over her?  OK.  Now I’m really scared.  What just happened?  Now there are all these not-so-fit guys (or wait a minute–is that the same guy?  Poor guy).  I know I work out in gyms all the time that are shiny black squares everywhere and that’s it.  Oh they’re not the same guy.  Alrighty then.  This video is truly insulting.  Hmm.  Love her color choices.  Bright teal blue and bright pink.  Nice.  So yeah.  I really did get physical and exercise with this song on when I was very young.  Scary.  OK.  Now what is with the shower?????

3. Karma Chameleon By: Culture Club

Interesting.  So we’ve traveled back in time with this one to Mississippi.  And of course it was a normal everyday thing to see Boy George singing in his very colorful creative garb on a rock back then.  Of course.  And now everyone of all races and classes and outfits are his audience and joining in and having fun.  Sure.  It was a party back then in 1870 in Mississippi of all places.  Yep.  He has a pretty good point in this song if you really listen to the words (which I’ll admit I didn’t really do so until right now) but it gets lost in the craziness of the song and all the theatrics of him and the video.  It’s kinda too bad.  Hearing this song brings me back to the times of yore as a youngster trying to call my dog Jenny inside from her outside adventures and it was sometimes hard to pull her away from the excitement so I’d sing, “Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-Jenny-un…” to get her to come in.  You know, she did come in sometimes to that.  I think she was tired of hearing me sing the nonsense and wanted me to shush but I needed to do something to entertain myself while I did it.  Loving the harmonica in this!  Oh and now enter the Steamboat…of course.  Hey I didn’t know he said, “Red Gold and Green” there in that part.  Hmm.  Who knew?  You know this is all totally accurate for what happened back then.  I bet it would’ve been fun to party with Boy George.

4. Pour Some Sugar On Me By: Def Leppard

An ’80s music video list is just not complete without some Def Leppard.  I mean, come on!  One of THE original Big Hair Bands of the ’80s.  And this song is just classic and by far their best of course.  Why?  Well because we all want sugar poured on us.  You know.  And of course because Big Hair Bands are just so cool we only really seem to see them in videos behind the scenes, rehearsing and then performing in front of the audience.  I’ll admit.  I enjoy this song more now then I did when I was a young gal.  It was just like, “Yeah.  Pour some sugar on me.  What’s the point?”.  And now I still don’t know what the point is but hey, I’ll enjoy it anyway.  Let’s all waves our hands in the air in the audience or wherever we are.  The big line of the song is coming!  Oh and it’s the one-armed drummer.  Now he is pretty darn cool.  How on earth did he do that?  Ahhhh yes.  The incredibly ripped jeans that were so IN and the white tank top he’s wearing.  They sure did look like they were having fun.  Oh and in case we didn’t know who they were he’s wearing a “Def Leppard” shirt.  Oh yeah.  I forgot.

5. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) By: Eurythmics

Up until about six months ago I always thought the title was “Sweet Dreams Are Made of These”–OH.  I didn’t know it was “This” instead.  Oops.  Corey will tell you that he doesn’t know why I’m putting this song on my list at all because I clearly don’t like them because I didn’t like ONE yes ONE of Annie Lennox’s (lead singer) songs when she went on her own.  I just can’t stand, “No More I Love Yous” or whatever the heck it is mainly because the radio stations played it into the ground and out the other side.  I thought she could do better than that.  BUT back to the matter at hand, I really like the Eurythmics and I LOVED her in the group.  She is too cool with her mega short red hair.  Who wouldn’t think she was cool?  I just love how she looks robotically human in this.  Ha!  Look at the video equipment they’re using.  Ancient.  Could they at least have gotten someone who knows how to type if that’s what they’re gonna focus on?  Awesome.  Look at all their records.  Nice.  Yep.  That’s a red dot.  I always wanted to just sing and point whenever I heard their songs and especially this one.  Now I know it’s because of that pointer she uses.  Cool.  The red dot becomes a video.  Nice effect.  Wait, where are they going?  What the?  Is that a cow?  Yes because we all play cellos in the middle of nowhere with cows around.  Random.  Love it.  She lays on the conference room table and a cow circles the room.  Hilarious considering I’ve been in the business world now.  As a kid I doubt I’d get it.  Let’s all herd together!  Is that guy really trying to type while a cow chews with her head right over his typing hands?  Too much!  Well at least she has pretty eyes–Annie Lennox I mean.

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