Posts Tagged With: fun

The “Cool Kids”…as if I know how they are…

I just wanted to be like the “‘Cool Kids” tonight. That’s all.

You know. The “Cool Kids”. The people who are doing stuff that is cool that I don’t get to do.

Right? Aren’t those the “Cool Kids”?

Well that’s what it feels like tonight. I did all my stretches and workouts today which is pretty darn good. I did everything I could do for me and for my health. And…

I ADDED A NEW STRETCH…

That NEW STRETCH has kicked my butt. Everything changed from that point. Even attempting this NEW STRETCH did me in. It was sooooo hard. I haven’t had to attempt such a hard stretch in a long time. Oh good. I’m glad I’m not putting the word “stretch” in capital letters anymore. It doesn’t deserve to have such Power over me. But it sure did take over my life today. Everything in my body changed at that point. I was able to keep exercising but I had to rest after trying to do the stretch and then start up again. My whole body was yelling at me. This is a new stretch given to me by my Chiropractor. I had tried to do this stretch last year with my Physical Therapist at the time and I couldn’t even get in the right position so we decided it wasn’t the “right” time to even TRY it. And now, the stretch is back to haunt me. At least I was able to get in the right position and I kinda pulled it off but it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to try in a long time.

HOLY CRAP.

I’m determined to conquer this stretch. I know it’s a good one. I know it affected my whole entire body. I’m gonna get it. I am. BUT not today.

So because of that stretch…and the fact that I have multiple sclerosis, lupus, irritable bowel syndrome and all kinds of other crappy issues that go with these three yuckies, I DON’T GET TO HANG OUT WITH THE “COOL KIDS” TONIGHT. (I know I know. Perhaps I’m the “Cool Kid” for staying home and resting and not pushing it too hard. Yeah whatever. Still not Cool. I’m not in the mood to look at the brighter side of things just yet. Sometimes I don’t want to make concessions.)

Corey has an Improv show tonight. Actually, it’s debuting tonight. Brand new and full of silly. I just know it. I love to see him up there. He looks so full of joy and really blooms on stage. Makes me happy to see him happy.

BUT NO.

MS, lupus and IBS have reared their ugly heads…YET AGAIN.

YET AGAIN…

They decide my night.

YET AGAIN…

They stop me from getting out.

YET AGAIN…

They interrupt my life.

And you know what? It’s not OK. Not tonight. I will deal. I will get some rest. Everything will happen even if I don’t get to go. I’m not as upset as I used to be about it but I’m definitely not happy either.

AND I’M TIRED OF NOT “GETTING TO GO”.

I’M TIRED OF HAVING TO SAY “NO”.

I’M TIRED OF BEING “LEFT OUT”.

I’M TIRED OF HAVING TO CALCULATE WHEN I CAN AND CAN’T DO STUFF. FUN STUFF!

And it’s when I can’t do the FUN STUFF that’s the worst.

And time will happen. I’ll have another chance to see this new show next month again. Perhaps I’ll be able to go. Maybe I’ll even be able to hang out with the “Cool Kids” and be one of them.

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JUST DANCE!…and while you’re at it play the bongos and tambourine…

The past few days have been really hard and intense for me and I find I start to tighten up inside and clench up all my muscles which of course leads to flared MS and lupus symptoms and probably some signs of IBS…If I’m not careful I become a hard ball of dried up goo.  You know the goo I’m talking about.  Not the good goo.  Wait.  Is there even good goo?  What is good goo?  Why am I stuck on what goo is?

ANYWAY…

Thankfully my head has been clear enough to remind me to DANCE!

DANCE!

MOVE MY BODY!

SHAKE IT OUT!

I used to think that because I “felt” like I had no rhythm I couldn’t/shouldn’t dance…that because I “wasn’t” coordinated I couldn’t/shouldn’t dance…that moving my body in any way “wasn’t” dancing because I “thought” I wasn’t a good enough dancer…

LIES!

WHATEVER!

DON’T PUT A LABEL ON IT!

JUST MOVE THAT BODY FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

LET OUT THE TOXINS!

Can’t move very well?  Well I bet there’s a part of you that can move a little.  Perhaps it’s your pinky finger.  Well then MOVE IT!

Why don’t you try it now?  Really.  Take a moment.  It’s always good to pause and take a moment.  Come on.  It’s only a moment.  One little moment.  Now MOVE something.

How’d it feel?

You don’t know.  WELL MOVE SOME MORE.

TURN ON SOME MUSIC AND BOUNCE AROUND.  You’re probably at home and reading this and thinking I’m wacky.  Yes I am.  Try it.  Loosen up that body.  No BODY should be sitting around at a computer all day anyway.  It’s OK.  You can get up from reading this and try it.  And even if you’re not at home, tap that foot wherever you are, stretch those fingers out, tap those fingers, move your head from side to side, hit your side with our hand, stretch out your toes and if you do it enough someone else near you might do the same thing and before you know it it’s become a THING!

IMAGINE THAT!  A THING!  YOU CAN EVEN GIVE IT YOUR OWN NAME!

A couple of years ago I was in this health self care support group thingie (so fancy with my wording aren’t I?) and one of the meditations we tried was “Shaking Meditation” and/or “Dance Meditation” and it MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD FOR ME.  You see, I hold it all in before I let it all out.  CRAZY I KNOW.  Tell me.  I’m working really hard these days on letting it out.  It will eat me up and I will feel crappy.  Sure my body might feel crappy from moving, but something in me will feel relieved.  My head might feel lighter.  The endorphins will have gotten moving for the first time in Ages and may even be yawning themselves because of the fatigue from my MS or lupus or you name it but I bet I’ll feel mentally brighter after they wake up again!  There will be some relief somewhere.  I might even be breathing consciously again and realizing I’ve been holding my breath or something ridiculous like that.

OXYGEN ROCKS.

BREATHING ROCKS.

So today what did I do to help my body and mind?  Not only did I take my walk and do my Physical Therapy but I also danced, played my new bongos and played my tambourine!

I KNOW!

I WENT ALL OUT TODAY and you know what?

IT HELPED ME SO MUCH!

My mood is better, my body feels looser and I don’t feel so clenched and tight inside.

AMAZING.

Sooooo, now I have more self care items to add to my list.  More dancing, more bongo playing and more tambourine playing.  Turns out that with looser wrists (thank you recovery) it’s easier to play the tambourine and it sounded a lot better.

Oh and the best part is:

IT’S FUN!

I KNOW.  HEALTHY AND FUN.

CRAZY!

So go on out there and DANCE!  MOVE THAT BODY!  SHAKE OUT THE WEEK!  SHAKE ALL WEEKEND!  PLAY SOME MUSIC!  BANG SOME DRUMS!

And if you get a chance, let me know how you feel and leave a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback.

LOVE TO ALL!  THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME ON THIS CRAZY RIDE CALLED LIFE!

 

Now

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2 YEARS AND 2 DAYS!

I have survived 2 years and 2 days with a lupus diagnosis!

Go me!

2 years ago when I was diagnosed, I felt symptoms that had to have been traumatically horrible and unfathomable because I have blocked out those physical sensations. When I look back on those 1st few days with a new label of a lupus diagnosis, I can’t really remember how I felt physically–not really.<em. I just know it was horrible because of how I felt mentally. I know the basic symptoms I had BUT there's a block there and that's OK with me. I'd rather not relive those awful symptoms and to that intensity EVER again. Sure I still feel most of those symptoms and perhaps some more but with changing my outlook about ME, treatment, proactive doctors, and people like you it's less intense.

As hard as it has been to have multiple sclerosis and then to add on lupus, I am truly grateful for my path of recovery. I have trudged and I have struggled and I am losing it these days due to the intense sunshine and heat, BUT my path is crowded and yet more peaceful. It is crowded with so many people who have been there with me and for me through all of it. Words can't describe how touched I am that I am NOT going through this ALONE. It is so easy to isolate with chronic illness AND YET you never let me–even when I might want to.

I often feel overwhelmed by all of the hard work it takes to handle medical business (insurance, bills, doctors, medications…), self care (rest, exercise, healthy eating, meditation, having fun, having a life, socializing, living for me…), a life that is currently on Disability (thank goodness for it but it drives me absolutely crazy–I highly recommend it if you need it BUT I will not sugarcoat it: IT IS A HARD BATTLE TO FIGHT–yet totally worth it), etc.

AND…

I also often feel wonderfully (please don't stop) overwhelmed by all of the love, support, encouragement, positivity, relationships and connecting, the hugs, the smiles, the prayers, the gifts, the willingness to be there for me for what I need. Tears are running down my face right now as I write this because I KNOW you are all here with me. I'm learning to accept it too. That can be hard. I can't do this on my own and it is so hard to ask for help BUT it has all been truly a gift. And to stop and smell the roses and look at the sky are truly wondrous to me. Heck even my PURPLE HAIR has helped me free myself! I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME FOR THAT before. I wish I had MADE the time.

And so I leave you with this:

THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU BECAUSE YOU HELP ME BE ME!!

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