Oh my goodness! I have hit the 125 Blog post mark!!!!!!
So cool. I couldn’t have done it without you so thank you!
It’s been a roller coaster week and I’m currently in a symptom flare (MS and lupus are FUN–NOT!) so I will try to stay positive (which I’m hoping will help me). I wanted to take a moment and thank you all for being here with me on this writing journey. I have always felt like a writer ever since I was very young and I have really struggled with it. In 5th grade I wrote a children’s holiday story and my teacher liked it so much that she tried to work with me to expand on it a bit and add a few more details (you know, to improve it) so that she’d feel comfortable trying to get it published in a children’s magazine (or something of the sort–what I heard was published) but I think I took her criticism so personally that I blocked her and it off and refused to change the story AT ALL because I liked it the way it was. And soooo, the story was not published. That blocked me and disappointed me for a few years. I still have the story and am hoping to feel willing to expand on it now after all these years.
Then I started writing more in middle school and either I didn’t want anyone to read it and kept it to myself or what I wrote was crazy serious deep (hello puberty) and my teachers asked for lighter stories. And then as a junior in high school I seemed to really blossom as a writer and all of my teachers highly encouraged me and told me they really thought I’d get somewhere with it and to keep expanding on it. Well, I expanded on it and that all really went well.
AND THEN in college I took one writing class and the professor was “not impressed” with my writing and told me I wrote too much and wanted me to get to the point. So here I was completely confused because one school of thought told me to expand and the other wanted me to cut it down. At that point I shut down writing. I may not have had I not been going into the high maintenance field television production that took up most of my time and focus. Production also helped me learn how to express myself in a very different creative way. I had to show you, not write it for you to experience. So, I veered off the writing path and took quite a journey into production.
Yet, there was always this deep soulful need to write. It was in me. It had to come out. But then I thought I had to be perfect. FEAR started to run me and it just never really worked. When I was first diagnosed with multiple sclerosis almost 10 years ago, I had people from different parts of my life who had nothing to do with each other telling me to write my story because of how I express myself. They told me I had a story to tell. They told me that I could really help others and probably myself. That it’s important to let others know what really happens with chronic illness.
And I tried, I really did. I tried too hard. I started up this Blog in 2009 and I think I wrote only 3 posts. Actually, I think I still have them posted if you want to check them out. Reading them now I know I still wasn’t ready. The real me wasn’t really coming out. I felt raw and vulnerable.
Meanwhile, people still said that I needed to tell my story. That I could really help. And that writer in me wrestled with my ego until it finally BURST OUT in March of this year. It has been over 6 months and I have no plans to stop. I had no idea where this journey would take me. I still have so much more to write.
Thank you to those of you who have commented on my posts, encouraged me, read the serious ones, read the long ones, read the silly ones, put up with the ’80s and partied with me, have gone on my doctor appointments with me, have shared my Moments of Peace with me, have felt MS and lupus with me, have read my complaints, have read my hope, and who are teaching me about me. You all play a part in who I am and for that I am truly grateful.
Please feel free to comment any time about any post (I would love to hear from you), to Follow my Blog, to share my Blog with others, to email me in private (you can find a link to my email on the “About Me” page), to friend me on Facebook (Nahleen Blake), to follow me on Twitter (nahleenblake), and connect in general. Oh and by the way, I’m thinking of starting up my own Facebook page where I’m hoping to share my favorite quotes, pictures, silliness, fun, stuff about me, stuff about you if you want, music, anecdotes of life, Blog posts, etc. Keep an eye out for that update soon. More to come!
And thank you all for being you. You help me to be me. And that soul writer in me is FINALLY starting to feel satisfied. I look forward to more of this journey. It has been truly amazing!
Nahleen.com: On the Inside Looking Out 