2 of Me

There’s something I must confess.  I am 2 people.  There’s the Me (in cooler weather) that is gung-ho and ready to conquer the world with more motivation than she can even handle and there’s the Me (in hotter weather) that gets overwhelmed easily and isn’t sure what to do next and sometimes even how to do it.  I think these 2 Mes existed way before my diagnosis of MS but have been magnified in the past 7 years of MS symptoms.

Right now I am the Hot Me.  The Me that needs to follow already established routines in order to function.  The Me that almost needs a script because her head is in a cloud of heat fatigue.  The Me that gets jealous when she watches the world live their lives around her.  The Me that assumes that these people have “normal” lives.  The Me that gets me into so much trouble because I end up with bruises on my body from mentally beating Me up.  The Me that needs to remember to take it one day at a time while it’s hot.  The Me who watches her husband put on warmer clothes while he’s in the apartment because the AC is on full blast and it still doesn’t sink in internally in My body.  The Me that forgets that one day the heat will end and that there is another, more confident Me out there just waiting till it gets cooler.  The Me that needs to be gentle with myself and keep it simple even more in order to survive.  That’s where I am right now.  When it gets cooler I’ll make sure to tell you about the other Me.  Right now I gotta go put myself in the freezer.

Maybe one day these Mes can unite and I can be a Me that is able to comfortably put up with any temperature.

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