Motivation: GRATITUDE

This morning I am grateful.  It’s such a relief to feel grateful.  It would be so nice to feel it all the time.

I’m grateful to be able to get up and face the day.  I’m grateful for so much love in my life from my husband, my kitty, my family, my friends, a huge support system, people in general and with life.  I’m grateful to have a roof over my head, an awesome car, for food to eat, water to drink, air to breathe–that I CAN breathe.  Then there’s my health: the progress of recovery, to take it one day at a time, really awesome proactive doctors, to be able to walk, to see, to move, to even function at all.  I have an abundance to be grateful for.  The list is endless.

What started this new round of gratitude?  I believe it was asking for more help yesterday.

Being on Long Term Disability has required an enormous mental surrender.  I have had to let go of what I thought I needed to have to survive: a job, a consistent paycheck, at least 40 hours of knowing exactly what I’m doing in a week.  It has been almost two years without that routine and somehow it’s all worked out.  Somehow Corey, Cleo Kitty and I have been taken care of.

BUT it takes A LOT of work.  I not only have to spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week taking care of me with self care but there is a mega amount of medical business to attend to too such as: medical insurance red tape, my plethora of doctors, a long list of medications and regimens, and dealing with Social Security Long Term Disability along with the Private Long Term Disability that is provided as part of the Benefits from my old employer.

YES I am truly grateful to have any access to Long Term Disability and to be taken care of AT ALL.  HOWEVER it is SO DIFFICULT to even admit I am disabled, to then ADMIT I can’t work right now, and then ASK FOR HELP, for financial assistance so that I can be a contributing member of society.  And not only is it hard for me to surrender to that need for help, but then they can make it SO HARD to even get the help I need.  This is NOT an easy process.

It is worth it because I DESERVE TO FEEL BETTER.  I DESERVE TO GET BETTER.

With that idea in mind it was so REFRESHING to call the Director of Benefits (yes, I have her direct contact number) of my old employer and let her know about the messy situation I’m involved in between both Long Term Disability Entities.  Not only did she LISTEN but she AGREED with me that that sounds like a mess and she seemed genuinely surprised this was happening.  I ASKED HER TO HELP ME and you know what?  She’s going to try to find out what’s going on and to do just that, help me.  She was nice and she was sincere.  She backed me up all the way.  It doesn’t mean she’s going to be able to change anything but it is just that much more empowering to feel her support and for that I am grateful.

GRATEFUL.

What a wonderful word.  What a inspiring idea.

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