Monthly Archives: March 2013

Telling the Truth is Really Hard

TRUTH: The past 24 hours have SUCKED mostly physically but mentally too!  There I said it!

I TOLD THE TRUTH!

DETOX IS HARD!

ANOTHER TRUTH!

Being on an emotional roller coaster yesterday for HOURS was REALLY HARD!

MORE TRUTH!

Feeling A LOT OF PAIN, FATIGUE WITH HEAVY LIMBS, SHAKINESS, LIGHT-HEADEDNESS, WEAKNESS, TINGLING, WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH A HORRIBLE KNIFING PAIN ON MY RIGHT SIDE (making me freak out it’s my appendix or something crazy) AND HAVING TO RUSH TO THE BATHROOM (TMI–just getting you ready) ONLY TO HAVE MY BELLY MAKE THE LOUDEST RUMBLING NOISES AND THEN ACTUALLY HAVING THAT TRIP TO THE BATHROOM BE PRODUCTIVE (used to not be in the middle of the night and I would suffer for hours so that’s something) AND THEN HAVE THAT PAIN GO AWAY BUT FEEL THE DIGESTIVE AFTERMATH IS REALLY HARD!  BUT–THANK GOODNESS THAT KNIFING PAIN WENT AWAY AND HAS NOT COME BACK.

YES I’M YELLING!

PHEW!

It feels so good to get it out.

I have only had 2 Chiropractic treatments in the past week, BUT I have also added an Alkaline Water Detox prescribed by this Chriropractic Doctor added to my treatment so it has been extra potent.  I CLEARLY have a ton of acid in my body.

IT HAS BEEN 1 WEEK AND MY BUTT FEELS KICKED FROM 2 CHIROPRACTIC TREATMENTS?!

OY!

You know, I have heard over the years from all kinds of people on social media and elsewhere talk about all the “GOOD” effects of Detox of the body.  NOT ONE OF THEM THAT I’VE NOTICED HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING NEGATIVE.  Did they ever feel anything crappy going on in their bodies or was it just absolutely divine and magical with birds chirping with light breezes as they frolicked over the rolling green hills singing songs from the “Sound of Music”?  That’s what it’s always felt like to me.  So I have no idea if these people have EVER felt crappy.

Is it because they don’t want to tell the truth because Gawd forbid they look weak?  Is it because they really are feeling JUST PEACHY (although if you ask me I’d never say I was Peachy because I CAN’T STAND PEACHES so it would be the opposite for me if I said I was PEACHY.  In fact let’s all make that note now.  PEACHY for me is CRAPPY.  OK then.  Now that we’re all clear.  Back to my ranting…) KEEN?  Did I even spell that word right?  The point is, AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS FELT CRAPPY FROM DETOX?  AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO IS NOW TELLING THE TRUTH?

MORE ON MY TRUTH:  Okay.  So for the past 24 hours I have wondered what wall I hit this time.  In some ways I haven’t felt like this in a long time.  Felt like someone kicked my butt and the rest of my body really hard.  What’s interesting is that the first 24 hours after treatment were actually QUITE GOOD.  I think I was on a mental high and my body was TRYING to follow along.  I felt so much mental clarity and relief and life almost felt like it was ALL good no matter what.  I almost wanted to skip down the street singing “La la la” but my legs weren’t QUITE up to it.  Oh and just to be clear, I didn’t feel up to frolicking through the rolling green hills singing songs from the Sound of Music.  I wasn’t THAT good.  That’s good right?

Anyway, I did so much in that 24 hours because I thought, WOW, I can do this.  This Chiropractic treatment stuff rocks.  It was ONLY the 1st Treatment that would be really hard at first.  Perhaps I’ll be feeling this later but not now.  LIFE IS GOOD.  I got home, made some medical business calls, wrote a Blog post, did stuff and things and I DID let myself REST a bit BUT THEN off I was running out to get groceries that evening while my mental hyperactivity was still on overload (I think now that I look back).  I mean, we NEEDED groceries and my head told me it was RIGHT then no matter what.  So I left at 6:30pm and by 7:30pm as I was almost done my ARMS started telling me they were really tired and didn’t want to work much more and then they were in pain.  Then by 8pm my BODY was done.  By 9pm my MIND was done.  And yet there was still some clarity so I stayed up way too late.  I CONFESS.  I didn’t LISTEN enough to my body at that point.

Got up for a dang Fasting Appointment the next morning to have blood work done with a doctor I have VERY mixed feelings about and thought all was going to be OK.  I was still OK.  Sure I was tired but Fasting Appointments are really hard for me.  My body with its MS, lupus, IBS and you NAME IT needs its routine.  No food means no medications.  No medications means my body is already unhappy.  No food yet already being active when on a normal day it usually takes me over 4 hours to really feel like I can go on with my day as a human being is not a good thing for me.  At least let me have some food.  PLEASE.  If my body lets me that is…

ANYWAY, after the appointment, I ate and I felt a bit more invigorated YET to be honest my body was starting to protest more.  And then I ran around doing too many errands at once when I should’ve just gone back home to at least get some more rest before doing them made my body VERY UNHAPPY before 12pm.  The appointment had been at 8:30am.

BY 12PM I had HIT A WALL.

ALL DONE.  Had to push to do the basics.  The emotional roller coaster (was told this would happen even more and be magnified according to my Chiropractor as the emotions are cleared out and released from my body and it was ALL part of the healing process) started for the next 5 hours at least, my body had a hard time letting me do the basics like get up and move around.  It was shaky and weak and in pain.  SOOOO DONE WITH ME.

So I rested.  AND RESTED SOME MORE.  Resting helps.

RESTING HELPS.

Phew.  Sometimes resting doesn’t ALWAYS help the way I want it to.  My body has been recovering ever since.  I’d get waves of physical symptoms into the night last night and then there was that time in the middle of the night of complete and utter pain and discomfort and I’ve been working through that ever since.

SO GLAD I CAN WRITE THIS.

Yesterday I wouldn’t have been able to write this in any way.  ALL OF ME WAS DONE.

DONE.

But this Blog post has been bubbling up to the surface ever since I FINALLY was able to really get up out of bed today.  EXTRA SLEEP HELPED TOO.  I HAD TO WRITE THIS TODAY.  I HAD TO EXPRESS MYSELF.  I know it is all part of the healing.  I call it EMOTIONAL HAIRBALLS.

Meanwhile at the same time, as I think about how my body is overall, I know it’s not a regular lupus/multiple sclerosis flare.  I know my body is flaring up because all kinds of healing trauma (WHAT?  HEALING TRAUMA?  Parts of me want to object to what I just wrote and argue with me.) because it feels cleansing.  It feels like all kinds of toxin crapola is being FORCED out.  My mind is clearer.  My body is clearer.  So strange to say that and feel it and NOT REALLY BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE IT.

So the FEAR comes up.  Is this Treatment too much for me?  How will I do this?  I DON’T WANT TO MAKE MY BODY WORSE.  I CAN’T MAKE MY BODY WORSE.  I DEAL WITH ENOUGH.  IT’S HARD ENOUGH.  But then the nurturing side of me comes in and gently reminds me that I am feeling better at the same time.  I’m going to NEED TO BE VERY UPFRONT with the Chiropractor tomorrow at my next treatment and tell him EVERYTHING that has gone on in the past 24 hours BEFORE he jumps right in and manipulates my body into its relieving craziness of the next treatment.  He had told me it would be hard especially at first and to try to trust and be honest with him and myself in all ways at all times about how I’m doing.  That we would adjust treatments accordingly.  He also told me I’d have to rest more.

That’s hard to do.  I’m TRYING to have a life and I have SO MUCH going on right now.  FINDING BALANCE is a whole other issue I’m dealing with.

WHERE DOES IT ALL FIT IN?

Well what I have to remind myself is that it all fits in the way it is supposed to fit in.  It will all work out and it will happen or not happen BUT the world still turns.  It doesn’t explode because “MY PLANS” didn’t work out the way I liked.

DO THEY EVER?

SO WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO FORCE MY PLANS OVER MY LIFE?  It doesn’t work that way.

So for now I’ll go back to resting and doing THE BEST I CAN WITH WHAT I HAVE.  It feels really good to have communicated this today.  Thank you ALL for reading.  It means so much to be able to get it out and STOP HOLDING ONTO IT.  Something tells me this may not have come out if it wasn’t for this detox and new treatment journey I’m starting.

I feel much better and calmer right now and I will enjoy it while I can.

Take care all and please if you can, be gentle with yourself and your body.  Healing can be really hard but what I’m discovering is that I’m worth it and so are you.

 

 

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“And…I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR PURPLE HAIR!”

That’s what the really nice lady said at my Chiropractor’s office today as she pulled me into one of the  Treatment rooms.

It had been a really long wait at his office today because he celebrates Passover and had squished in a bunch of appointments earlier in the day so he could leave in the afternoon, so I had waited over an hour.  And what surprised me was that I didn’t get too stressed out about it.  I gotta bring my book more often because I bet this happens every once in awhile.  That’s all.  Otherwise, I tried to use it as chill out time.

Anyway, the incredibly spunky lady who works the front desk (I haven’t met her yet till now since this is only my 2nd treatment and I think this doctor has 2 women working for him and I’ve met the other one only) pulled me in the room and quietly said but with exclamation, “OK.  2 things…” and she gestured her 2 fingers up in the air to stress her point.  “The first thing before we get started…I’m so so so sorry for the wait today.  Our office is closing early because we are celebrating Passover so we are distracted (but don’t worry he won’t be distracted when he’s with you).” she said in a hushed voice.  And then she still so discreetly continued, “Plus as you know the traffic was awful due to all this stupid construction out there and it was hard to find a parking spot so all of our patients have been later today.” And she had a brief pause and said, “AND…” and I’m not kidding you, she starts almost flailing her arms up and down and hopping a little bit, “I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR PURPLE HAIR!  I LOVE IT!  I LOVE IT!  I LOVE IT!”.  So I’m starting to laugh out loud about her reaction to my hair because she caught me so off guard because she was so careful at first with what she was telling me and then she says, “I’m sorry.  I would’ve said it earlier and I’ve been DYING to tell you for over an hour but I didn’t want to single you out in front of the other patients and I wanted to stay quiet but since you’re in here now I can tell you.  I CAN HARDLY CONTAIN MYSELF!  YOUR HAIR IS SO AWESOME!”.

(Well OK then…)

There I am and I’m supposed to be having worked on relaxing (already know this after my first treatment) so that the doctor can work on looser muscles and joints if possible and she’s getting me all excited about my hair.  And so we had this lovely giggly conversation about how much she loved it and loved that I had the guts to have purple hair and how she could NEVER have purple hair in her world so she just applauds women all the time who just express themselves and let themselves be “WILD” as she almost yelled again…

“OK.  OK.  I have to calm down now so you can calm down or the doctor will be mad at me for getting you excited but then again he wants us to be warm and friendly to you and loving so this is what he gets.  Anyway, I love it.”

I thanked her a bunch and even after the treatment and she still pointed it out as I left.

What a hot ticket that lady is!  Can’t wait to see her again and more.  She seems like someone I need more of in my life.  I want her energy.

As for my 2nd Chiropractic Treatment, it was really great.  The doctor came in and said, “Hey Superstar!” and I said “Is that because I made it to my 2nd appointment?” (by the way, it’s hard to talk with your face down in those things on the table but anyway…) and he said, “Absolutely!” And we talked about how I was doing.  I told him all the improvements I had been feeling since just the first appointment and some of the symptoms I was having and we got started.  Wow.  He really does so much work on the body AND he makes me work too.  LOTS OF BREATHING.

LOTS OF BREATHING.

Apparently oxygen is GOOD FOR YOU.

And I nearly jumped off the table (not sure how since I was face down…) as he ground his hand into my foot because it was “Ow-ie” and yet it was a relief or I would’ve stopped him.  At one point I had this crazy fit of giggles, more like a BURST of giggles (my usual giggles times 10 at least) as he released something in my neck (one of the biggest issues right now in my body) and I told him I just had to laugh and he said, “DO IT!  LET IT OUT!  WHOOO!  YOU LET THAT OUT!  You deserve it.  You just undid a HUGE knot!  WE DID!  I feel it too.  I wanna laugh too!  THAT WAS AWESOME!” and so I did a burst of giggling (I have already heard some of the craziness that is coming out of these rooms with other patients while he’s treating them and it’s only been 2 times there so I must’ve also sounded pretty funny with my huge BURST and he was cracking up too).  It felt good to get it out and then just as fast as it came on, it left.  He said that would happen but with different emotions and to keep letting it out.

We did a bit more treatment, he had me drink some water to rest and regain my equilibrium and I was on my way.  I can tell this whole Chiropractic experience is gonna be quite a trip!  So much personality in that office.  Other doctors and their personnel could learn A LOT from these cool people.  WOW!

As for how I’m feeling a few hours afterwards, I’m definitely doing better than the first treatment.  My body isn’t in as much “SHOCK” as it was the first time.  It kinda gets it now.  Who knows what’s next.  For right now I’ll take whatever I can get for relief.

RELIEF.

I like that word.

Definitely feeling pretty even with my emotions and my body right now too.  I’ll take it as long as I can.

I have my next chiropractic treatment Thursday.  Can’t even imagine what’s in store!

 

 

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Music Friday!

I have been so reflective lately and I think this song fits my mood.

The song and video are by a group named Elbow.  Yes, Elbow is their name.  They have been around for years and I JUST discovered them last year when I was watching the Itunes Music Festival on my IPad.  I love music and I’m always looking for new artists.  I watched this top notch group and concert and absolutely fell in love with these guys.  They not only know how to throw a classy show, but they are funny, friendly and talented.

Their song, “Build a Rocket Boys” is definitely my favorite from them and I can’t stop singing it since I heard it the first time I saw them at that Itunes Music Festival months ago.  Every time I hear it I am brought back to the good times (and even maybe not so good times) of the past and you know, they have NOTHING to do with rockets…and that doesn’t matter.  The song is so personal, thought provoking and so emotional and I can really feel it.

So here you go.  I hope you like it as much as I do.

Does it bring you back to any time in your life?  If so, when?  I’d love to hear your stories.

Before I go, I’d like to take some time to welcome my New Followers!  THANK YOU!  To have you join me on my journey is an honor.  To have all of you with me means so much to me.  Feel free to spread the word about my Blog any time.  The more the merrier.  I’d love it too if you want to comment on any post please do and you can also find my email address on my “About Me” page.

Take care and have a wonderful weekend!

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WHOA! Chiropractic Treatment is CRAZY…but good…I Think?!

Gonna keep this short because I’m supposed to be resting and finishing up here but I wanted to share with you all that I had my first Chiropractic treatment today!  Oh…and I SURVIVED!

CRAZY STUFF that mode of therapy.  My body was twisted, stretched, beaten, shoved, poked, vibrated and manipulated into numerous positions I DIDN’T KNOW existed.  And the awesome part is that there was some RELIEF.

RELIEF.

That’s a nice word isn’t it?

And there was some pain and strangeness to it.  My mind more than anything was trying to figure out WHAT THE HECK I had gotten myself into next…It was almost like it was saying THANK YOU at one moment and then WHAT THE?! the next and then it was like it started speaking to me and the therapist.  He said, “Your body knows what it wants.  It’s thanking me right now.  It wants help getting the walls down and opening the doors”…

CRAZY.  Like I said.

For years I have said that I want to be SOOOO STRETCHED in ways that no one could understand I was talking about.  Perhaps this may be what I’m liking for right now.  I was told I may feel some emotional fits and strangeness as the tightness and toxicity gets cleaned out and that I may feel some popping and cracking and pain and tingling here and there and perhaps a bit dizzy and strange.  Yes the dizzy and strange comes and goes since the first treatment.  That’s for sure.

Before the treatment he was going over a whole work up report he had made up for me and showed me which parts of my vertebrae were in trouble and damaged and were also out of alignment and then he showed me all the symptoms that show up from these trouble areas and it was BAFFLING TO SEE some of the symptoms I have brought up to EVERY singe medical professional I can come up with and NONE of them have ever been able to really help me.

It was as if my body had found a TRANSLATOR for some of my major perplexing issues…

CRAZY.

And it helps that he’s nice, normal and he wants to heal.  I can feel that.  He also must be incredibly strong with the work he was doing on me.  WOW!

So I’ve made a 6 month commitment to see him for intense treatment and he said he could guarantee me I could feel 40-50% better at least than I do now with how I am.  HE ACTUALLY GAVE ME A DEADLINE!

A TIME COMMITMENT!

I have to do what he’s asked me to do for exercises and other devices he gives me to help me out too so we’ll be working as a team.

CRAZY.

So yeah I’m scared because it’s a whole new road but you know what?  It’s almost like I’m thinking I should be scared because it’s new but I really am not.

I HAVE HOPE.

That’s a wonderful thing.  It’s the first time I’ve felt positive all week to be honest.  It’s been one of those weeks…

Goodnight all.

May you all find some hope in your next day.  It’s out there.

I learned a new saying that helps me a lot:

H-hold

O-on

P-pain

E-ends

I believe this.  I hope you do too.

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“Your Body Has a Lot to Say…”

–said Dr. “D”, “…Don’t think about it as having problems and limitations.  I like to try to look at this way.  It’s more that your body just really likes to and wants to give out a lot of information about where it wants help.  It’s very open and willing for someone to listen to it.  It NEEDS help.  It’s asking for it.”–that’s pretty much what I remember the Chiropractor saying to me today at my first appointment as he did his first information intake about my body to test EVERYTHING POSSIBLE.  I had physical tests done that I’d never had done before and it showed me I had EVEN MORE “limitations” (or that’s how my perception is about me) and I was commenting about it sarcastically on the side with myself and him.

He really didn’t seem to see it that way.  It was the first time I had EVER been around ANY medical professional of any sort from all sides of medicine whether it be Western or Eastern or any type of medicine in-between, that he didn’t sigh out of distress about what he found out about my body.  He didn’t seem too stressed about it.  He was JUST taking in data…just looking at and observing what my body was COMMUNICATING to him.  That’s what it felt like.  It was DEFINITELY the first time ANYONE looked at my ridiculously crazy long medication list that actually has gotten shorter (but you’d never know it by glancing at it and especially as a new person to my body’s situation) and said “THIS IS AWESOME”!  Not kidding.  He was baffled at what I was on and what I was going through but he didn’t show he was baffled.  Just those words said it all.

So not only did he seem to observe my body on his level (if that makes any sense) as a body that might be able to benefit from his care BUT he also was funny, normal, seemed to have no ego whatsoever yet was quite confident with what he does and what he knows, he had me sit on a table and sat on a stool looking up at me yet I still felt like I wasn’t “below” him in any way or “above” him either, I didn’t feel too self-conscious when he had me stand so he could look at my posture or walk down the hall and back.  Plus when he asked me when I thought I was EVER at my ideal weight (didn’t say anything else about how much I weighed or that he was concerned about it or that I was overweight or that I needed to go on a diet OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT) I laughed and then he saw the perplexed look on my face and said, “When you were born?” and I said, “YES!  I think so.  I think I was at an ideal weight then.” He DIDN’T HAVE TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS WHEN IT WASN’T NECESSARY.

After all the data was gathered he said he’d go over all the information (he actually wanted to take some real time to look at it and not just jump on me at that point with some treatment plan of sorts without knowing what he was getting into) and he’d like to see me within 72 hours to go over the results so that we can decide together if we were a good fit and whether he would accept me as a patient or not.  I asked him what that meant (he even asked me if I had questions which is amazing.  I know to ask anyway but it was nice to be given that opportunity.) and he told me that sometimes it might mean he needs me to do some more diagnostic testing elsewhere, he may need to talk to my doctors first (he wants be a TEAM with them about EVERYTHING!–FINALLY SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO DO THAT.) or there may be some other reason but he wouldn’t know until he had a plan in place.  And then there was the factor of me agreeing to the treatment plan and then we could go from there.  It’s TEAMWORK on all sides I guess.

GO FIGURE.

We’re all in this together.

CRAZY IDEA.

So after hearing a dear friend of mine mention this “Dr. D (will call him that for now)” soooooo many times and tell me how great he was and what he’s done to help her and how much better she feels after seeing him I figured it was time to FINALLY check out how a Chiropractor could help me.  I had a Chiropractor on my list as a idea of treatment options to check out and since acupuncture is NOT covered right now by my insurance I thought it was time to try something new and it all fell into place.  Plus his office is NOT far away from my home so that helps A LOT.  BIG PLUS.

I see him Thursday.  My homework is to give him a list of my doctors (Ha!  I wonder if he’ll say “THIS IS AWESOME!” again when he sees how long the list is and what different kinds of specialists I have) with their contact information because he wants to be in contact with ALL of them (no way, crazy thought) and his homework is to assess me and all the information my body was apparently so willing to give out.

So from now on I’m going to try to keep the perspective in mind that it’s not that my body has limitations, it’s that it needs a lot of help and is willing to give out any information anyone needs if they are willing to listen.  It’s also willing to get the help if it can.  I am willing too so that helps.  We can all work together.

Definitely curious to see what happens…

Will do my best to keep you all posted as I can.

Right now it’s time to rest.  Being proactive is tiring…

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325 DAYS I’VE BEEN GRATEFUL TO TAKE A WALK

-GRATEFUL to be able to move my legs.

-GRATEFUL to be able to stand up.

-GRATEFUL to be able to put one foot in front of the other.

-GRATEFUL to still be able to walk on my own with no assistive device.

-GRATEFUL to have taken a walk 325 days in a row as of TODAY!!!

Ten years ago today if you had asked me if I thought with multiple sclerosis I’d be able to walk today, I would’ve been afraid to even think of an answer. It was way too far ahead to even comprehend. Yet I’ve lived my life since my diagnosis of MS in 2002 as if one day I might not be able to walk…or I might not be able to walk as well…or I’d have an exacerbation of symptoms and I’d lose movement in my legs…or I’d be using a cane…or I’d have to use a walker…or I’d have to use a wheelchair…or that the MS would progress making it harder and harder to move my body all over.

Then there’s lupus that just had to make its way into the picture because I didn’t have enough to think about and that can also affect my walking. The joints can get very stiff, swollen and in pain and I hobble around sometimes. The fatigue with both can drive me crazy.

I know people with MS who have a hard time with their legs and are in need of assistive devices. I know people with MS who used to be in a wheelchair but aren’t now. I know people with MS who don’t have any problem walking at all. I am getting to know people with lupus who have similar issues. I myself have a problem with balance at times, I get the foot drop, my feet can give way under me and I can fall (hasn’t happen in awhile), I trip quite a bit, I’m clumsy, I have stiffness, pain and spasticity in my muscles in my legs that come and go. I have ankles that like to roll and that’s not necessarily from lupus. That can just happen. I can often feel like my legs just aren’t strong enough to go down hills so I’ll ask Corey for his arm just so I can feel more stable and not as wobbly. (That hasn’t happened as much since I’ve been walking every day.)

So EVERY DAY in the beginning of all of this crap, I used to wake up in FEAR that my body or at least some part of my body would not be able to move.

EVERY.

DAY.

Then as time has passed I’ve found myself often taking it for granted that I can even walk at all. That I get a chance to walk on my own two feet and take a stroll EVERY DAY is a miracle.

EVERY.

DAY.

I am blessed with the chance to STILL get up every day and be able to move my legs enough to WALK even for 5 minutes. That’s all it takes to take a walk. The POINT IS TO MOVE MY LEGS. I get to walk on my own still. I don’t know if that will ever change and I’ll admit I still have that FEAR cloud lingering over me like a veil it seems but it is just there because ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME TO ANYONE BUT NOW WITH MS AND LUPUS I HAVE AN INCREASED CHANCE OF VERY “UNFRIENDLY” (a friend used this word about her physical symptoms and I hope she doesn’t mind that I stole it), symptoms occurring that can be debilitating to my body and not only can they be debilitating BUT I will have NO IDEA whether I’ll be able to get that part of me back or not. AND I HAVE NO IDEA OR WHEN THE NEXT ATTACK/FLARE WILL HIT OR IF IT EVER WILL… Only time tells that part.

So at this point, as long as I can I will…

WALK.

AND WALK.

AND WALK.

IT HELPS SO MUCH. My legs have improved greatly.

I am truly grateful and blessed to still be able to walk.

WHAT A GIFT.

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JUST DANCE!…and while you’re at it play the bongos and tambourine…

The past few days have been really hard and intense for me and I find I start to tighten up inside and clench up all my muscles which of course leads to flared MS and lupus symptoms and probably some signs of IBS…If I’m not careful I become a hard ball of dried up goo.  You know the goo I’m talking about.  Not the good goo.  Wait.  Is there even good goo?  What is good goo?  Why am I stuck on what goo is?

ANYWAY…

Thankfully my head has been clear enough to remind me to DANCE!

DANCE!

MOVE MY BODY!

SHAKE IT OUT!

I used to think that because I “felt” like I had no rhythm I couldn’t/shouldn’t dance…that because I “wasn’t” coordinated I couldn’t/shouldn’t dance…that moving my body in any way “wasn’t” dancing because I “thought” I wasn’t a good enough dancer…

LIES!

WHATEVER!

DON’T PUT A LABEL ON IT!

JUST MOVE THAT BODY FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

LET OUT THE TOXINS!

Can’t move very well?  Well I bet there’s a part of you that can move a little.  Perhaps it’s your pinky finger.  Well then MOVE IT!

Why don’t you try it now?  Really.  Take a moment.  It’s always good to pause and take a moment.  Come on.  It’s only a moment.  One little moment.  Now MOVE something.

How’d it feel?

You don’t know.  WELL MOVE SOME MORE.

TURN ON SOME MUSIC AND BOUNCE AROUND.  You’re probably at home and reading this and thinking I’m wacky.  Yes I am.  Try it.  Loosen up that body.  No BODY should be sitting around at a computer all day anyway.  It’s OK.  You can get up from reading this and try it.  And even if you’re not at home, tap that foot wherever you are, stretch those fingers out, tap those fingers, move your head from side to side, hit your side with our hand, stretch out your toes and if you do it enough someone else near you might do the same thing and before you know it it’s become a THING!

IMAGINE THAT!  A THING!  YOU CAN EVEN GIVE IT YOUR OWN NAME!

A couple of years ago I was in this health self care support group thingie (so fancy with my wording aren’t I?) and one of the meditations we tried was “Shaking Meditation” and/or “Dance Meditation” and it MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD FOR ME.  You see, I hold it all in before I let it all out.  CRAZY I KNOW.  Tell me.  I’m working really hard these days on letting it out.  It will eat me up and I will feel crappy.  Sure my body might feel crappy from moving, but something in me will feel relieved.  My head might feel lighter.  The endorphins will have gotten moving for the first time in Ages and may even be yawning themselves because of the fatigue from my MS or lupus or you name it but I bet I’ll feel mentally brighter after they wake up again!  There will be some relief somewhere.  I might even be breathing consciously again and realizing I’ve been holding my breath or something ridiculous like that.

OXYGEN ROCKS.

BREATHING ROCKS.

So today what did I do to help my body and mind?  Not only did I take my walk and do my Physical Therapy but I also danced, played my new bongos and played my tambourine!

I KNOW!

I WENT ALL OUT TODAY and you know what?

IT HELPED ME SO MUCH!

My mood is better, my body feels looser and I don’t feel so clenched and tight inside.

AMAZING.

Sooooo, now I have more self care items to add to my list.  More dancing, more bongo playing and more tambourine playing.  Turns out that with looser wrists (thank you recovery) it’s easier to play the tambourine and it sounded a lot better.

Oh and the best part is:

IT’S FUN!

I KNOW.  HEALTHY AND FUN.

CRAZY!

So go on out there and DANCE!  MOVE THAT BODY!  SHAKE OUT THE WEEK!  SHAKE ALL WEEKEND!  PLAY SOME MUSIC!  BANG SOME DRUMS!

And if you get a chance, let me know how you feel and leave a comment.  I’d love to hear your feedback.

LOVE TO ALL!  THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME ON THIS CRAZY RIDE CALLED LIFE!

 

Now

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It All Started March 2012

–MY BLOG THAT IS…

It has been 1 YEAR since I started really writing consistently on my Blog. I had written other posts before but this time I opened the door to write and there was no turning back. I kept doing it.

FINALLY….

WRITING…

IT IS A PART OF ME…

I had wanted to write my story for so long but either I didn’t feel well, was too busy with work or health stuff or just wasn’t ready. I had considered doing a podcast and talking about what I go through but that never really went anywhere…AT LEAST YET. If there’s anything I’ve learned, I just don’t know what’s next and when it comes to being creative, it really can lead anywhere.

SO TODAY SINCE IT’S MID-MONTH AND I CAN’T REMEMBER THE EXACT DATE I REALLY STARTED WRITING MY BLOG ACTIVELY, HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY “NAHLEEN.COM”!

You have rocked my world. You meaning the Blog, my Followers, my readers, my commenters, the people who stop on by and I find out later, the people who find me by mistake, the ’80s when I get into picking apart the silly videos of my favorite music era, the pictures that show my Moments of Peace, my whining, my hoping, my pushing forward, my observations, my life, you name it. It is coming out and well, there’s so much more to say.

Right now I want to say THANK YOU.

I am truly grateful for this Blog. It has helped me so much in expressing myself and reaching out to virtually the entire world.

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Happy 1 Year Anniversary Purple Hair!

Wow!  What can I say Purple Hair?

YOU HAVE ROCKED MY WORLD!

YOU HAVE HELPED ME FIND THE REAL NAHLEEN!

YOU ARE THE REASON I SMILE EVERY TIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

YOU ADD A SPARK TO MY SPIRIT TO KEEP ME GOING!

YOU–PURPLE HAIR–HAVE BECOME A WONDERFUL PART OF MY LIFE…

THANK YOU PURPLE HAIR.

1 Year Ago today my Purple Hair and I were introduced and it has been quite a journey.  Every day I’d get up in my foggy MS/lupus haze and think about how my day was going to play out.  Sometimes I’d dread the day or feel lost in my symptoms.  Sometimes I’d be sad.  But then I’d look in the mirror and see that I had PURPLE HAIR!  It’s not the cure for everyday frustrations or for my physical problems, but it sure has helped A LOT!

Because of my relationship with my Purple Hair, I have found the courage to be more of the Real Me: The Real Nahleen.  I have more spunk.  I have more confidence.  I smile when I see my purple bangs fall into my eyes.  I am more creative.  It has helped put more skip in my step.  My world has opened up before my eyes.  And everyday is a new day with my Purple Hair.  It seems to change color/shade daily.  Sometimes it’s because it’s washing out (I have to re-purple every 2 to 3 weeks depending on my life, longevity of the color and when I feel up to it), sometimes it’s because it feels like it, sometimes it’s because of the curl in my hair and quite often it’s because I’ve changed the hue of purple I’m using or the brand.  Turns out there are quite a few brands out there that provide all kinds of varieties of purple to wear in your hair.  Sometimes it comes out like a magenta.  Sometimes it comes out almost black with a few lighter streaks due to the bleaching of some of those streaks of hair.  If my hair is straighter the purple doesn’t show up as much.  Oh yeah and then there are the times perhaps I haven’t used as much purple during the next re-purpling or it stays in longer or it just does what it wants to do at the time.

Each purple I LOVE!  And if I’m getting low on purple in my hair I can tell.  I get more down and depressed.  I don’t feel that extra spark.  I don’t have the spunk…you know, that extra umpf!

And to think I was so scared to really go PURPLE!  What was my problem?  What is the world’s problem that they can’t accept more colors such as purple, orange, green, blue, teal, bright yellow or whatever the heck someone wants in their hair BUT they’ll accept the reds, the browns, the blondes that might as well be yellow at times.  Who cares?  It’s a color!  What’s wrong with that?  SERIOUSLY?!  It’s just hair!  Why not be taken as seriously?  Why not be treated as professional?  I never understood that before I actually had the purple hair and NOW I really don’t get it.

FOR GOODNESS SAKES IT’S COLOR!  THE WORLD NEEDS MORE OF IT!

That’s my world rant for the day I guess…but I digress…

The point is, I have learned that I needed this purple in my life.  I’m not kidding.  Ever since I was 10 years old I have wanted purple hair.  I tried some magentas here and there as I got older and some maroons BUT never did purple on my hair.  I didn’t want to make a mess.  That was one excuse.  I didn’t want to take the time.  That was another.  To be honest, it doesn’t take that much time.  If you have time to color your hair a brown, blonde, black or even red color than you have time to color it purple.  REALLY.  There are no extras involved.

Sure it can leave a stain.  Sometimes it looks like there was a purple explosion in the bathtub but who cares?  It doesn’t last.  It goes away, just like it leaves my hair.

What I have learned most since I started my relationship with my Purple Hair a year ago in March 2012 is that it’s OK TO BE ME.  And the MORE I brought that PURPLE out the more I was ME.  So here’s my advice to you all who are just chomping at the bit to do something funky with your hair, do it!  What are you waiting for?  I have cut my hair a lot shorter but I want to go even shorter and be more funky.  I’m still a bit nervous about that so I need to follow my own advice don’t I?  I guess that’s the next part of my path huh?

And if you have a color that you feel you really connect with in your life you NEED to bring it out more.  It doesn’t have to be with hair.  It can be with anything.  ANYTHING.

REALLY.

I absolutely believe that it will HELP YOU.

So PURPLE HAIR, HERE’S TO ANOTHER YEAR!  BRING IT ON WORLD!  WITH YOU PURPLE HAIR I CAN DO ANYTHING!

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Victory!: Cambria!

We’re home.  We’re back from Cambria, CA!

We had a wonderful, peaceful, soothing, gentle and adventurous time!  It was so good to get away for a couple of days with Corey and spend some time together–just us.  It has been years since we have been able to do that and I am sooooo happy we did it.

WE REALLY DID IT!

My lupus and multiple sclerosis behaved for the most part.  I had some weird symptoms showing up here and there but for the most part I think I felt better because I was so relaxed and distracted.  My walking every day has really helped in the long run when it comes to my ability to walk around and explore new places and my ability to stand for long periods of time.  I do still get store fatigue but I could stand quite a bit and what was interesting was that the sun didn’t bother me too much until the later afternoon.  The temperature was definitely cooler than LA especially at night but even during the day the temperature might have gone to 60.  Glad I was given a chance to be in cooler temperatures because it sounds like LA is going to get hot over this next week or so.  Blech.  But first things first and one day at a time I’ll make it there.

There was a jacuzzi spa jet tub in the room so that helped my body immensely.  I think if I had one of these I could get into every day my MS and lupus would be very happy.  I’d be getting that massage I needed daily.  Oh well.  One day.  I can dream.  We were also able to get massages before we left to drive home which were lovely.  There was a boarded walkway from our hotel, through the trees and towards the beach.  Wow!  What an amazing walk and sunset that was.  I tell ya.  There’s nothing like hearing frogs and ocean waves at the same time.  I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that.  And the sunset was magical.

The people there seem happy and are incredibly friendly.  We had a conversation with each local we met.  They were so welcoming.  I think perhaps it may have been partly because the economy has been way down since last November but I also really believe that this is how they are in general.

I have lots and lots of pictures to share with you soon once I get them loaded.  This trip came at THE PERFECT time…as my life is hitting the next turning point…there is no mistake we took this trip when we did.

And to finish, I’ll say that years ago we headed north from LA to San Simeon to see Hearst Castle and that was neat.  Hearst Castle is quite an experience.  What a view from up there.  That night we traveled a bit south to see what was going on in Cambria since it seemed like there was nothing happening in San Simeon.  It was dark and the businesses were only open for a few more hours.  Those few hours made a great impact on our lives and we knew we had to come back someday.  Well that someday came this past weekend and after being there for less than 48 hours I can honestly say it has now made an imprint on my soul.  May sound hokey but I believe it’s true.  Actually, I know it’s true.  What a beautiful, spiritual and peaceful place.

UH OH!  I HAVE BEEN BITTEN BY THE CAMBRIA BUG!

I can think of worse things…can’t you?

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