Monthly Archives: February 2013

CVS: Today’s Neighborhood Drug Store

Ha! I don’t have regular TV anymore but when I did I used to be nauseated by how sweet and wonderful everyone was on those terrible commercials. Those Pharmacists reminded me of the Stepford Wives (is that even how you spell it?) with how sweet and sappy their smiles were to their supposed “Patients” or “customers” or whatever you want to call them.

Here’s the coolest part. I have lived next to my CVS Pharmacy for a very long time and have used that Pharmacy to get my medications the entire time. They have always been nice. However, about a year ago the entire staff was changed over. Not sure what happened. There was gossip amongst the people in line about what had happened. One day there was one group of people. The next day there was a WHOLE different group of people as if nothing had changed. There was no announcement and then that was it. It was this new group. So weird.

And I can remember being upset and thinking that EVERYTHING WAS OVER.

OVER.

There’s no way it could be any better. Trouble would ensue and I’d have to change Pharmacies. Life would be ruined.

RUINED.

And it turns out that this new group of people is FABULOUS and I might even have some friends there. They are faster, more efficient, are nice people and guess what? They don’t have to be nauseating Stepford Wives (why is that spelling bothering me?) or Cylons like in Battlestar Galactica with smiles painted on their faces. They can actually be good people AND…..

—PERHAPS EVEN FRIENDS. There are 2 gals I’ve become friendly with and I feel like we could even be friends. It felt lame at first to bring this up to one of the gals (I judge myself in a not nice way) but guess what? I had brought up hanging for coffee at some point with one of the Pharmacy Technicians a few months ago and I think I freaked her out a bit. It’s not every day someone is nice who comes to pick up medications and could ACTUALLY BE A FRIEND. I bet they spend most of their time dealing with upset and angry people (understandably, considering what I go through with Medical Insurance) and the last thing they expect is to really get to know people and hang out with them. I’m guessing she was also wondering just what I meant by “getting coffee” too…

And how cool is this? I bumped into the Pharmacy Technician I had talked to about going to coffee at some point (it’s in basically the same parking lot next door) and she and I chatted a bit today. You know, small talk stuff. Then she asked what I was doing and I said I was looking to cool off with something cold from Coffee Bean and she said she was on lunch and asked if she could come hang out with me. She also even offered to buy me coffee “so that way we can be real buddies” is what she said I believe. I politely declined and hope she knows she doesn’t have to buy my friendship. She was very sweet and that was a nice gesture.

We had a lovely chat for about a half hour while she was still on lunch. Actually I think she talked more than I did which I’m sure Corey and the rest of my peeps would be surprised to hear since once I get going I’m a real talker.

SO YEAH. That happened. It was a lovely break to my day and a great way to procrastinate and not do what I was supposed to do which was find paperwork for my new Appeals Attorney for my next Disability Appeal…but that’s a whole story for another day and I don’t want to ruin this post or my good feeling right now.

I hope you all get a chance to deal with nice people at Pharmacies too. It is my experience that they are hard to find (I mean I couldn’t deal with it all the time–BLECH!) but it looks like I’ve found me a Keeper..

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301 DAYS! That’s How Many Days…

–I’ve walked in a row!

I can’t believe it! I have walked 301 days in a row. I am not kidding. I have been keeping track since I knew that I might be able to make it walking day by day.

I’m so excited! If/When I make it to a full year I will have to call/send a thank you not to my Physical Therapist who spurred me on last year in the first place. She told me just to walk. That walking was THE THING for me to do in my situation with MS and lupus. There was no question. I needed to walk. What did that entail? That entailed not judging myself by how far I’ve walked or how long. That I just needed to make it a point to walk. Seriously, she told me, I don’t care if it’s just a few minutes. If you don’t keep your legs moving you will be in trouble. Your MS and lupus will get the best of you and you may find one day that you can’t walk or that they are just too stiff and you may not have the motivation to do what you need to do–WALK– and to keep on keepin’ on.

So that’s what I’ve been doing. How do I do it? Well I walk near where my doctor appointments are. I walk in my apartment around and around if I have to. I have a walk dance I do that must look really cute. I walk around the block near my apartment. I walk at the mall I’ve gone to. I walk around the museum I have a membership to. I walk/march to a TV show I’m watching.

I WALK.

And my legs are so much better than they used to be. Sure there are days that my legs think I must absolutely be kidding them but they usually thank me in the end. In the beginning it was much harder because it felt like when I was walking that I might be causing some damage. That there must be days I shouldn’t be walking at all and I should rest them.

NOPE.

I am now more confident on my feet, I feel stronger, I have more endurance, I can walk longer distances and handle hills better, my mind and head get some de-stressing and meditation, I get to see outside and be with the world and the earth, I get to move my whole body, I can participate in more events, I can stand in line at supermarkets longer, I can handle my life better in GENERAL.

And that’s because I WALK.

And now I don’t know how not to walk during my day. I think I would be lost without walking. My body asks me for it and reminds me if I don’t do it.

SO I WALK AND I WILL CONTINUE WALKING NO MATTER WHAT AS LONG AS MY BODY ALLOWS ME.

So tonight as I think about what is frustrating me, I will turn my mind to the positive things going on in my life and one of the main parts of my life is that I WALK and I have WALKED 301 DAYS IN A ROW.

A TRUE MIRACLE and I am absolutely grateful to have met a woman, my previous Physical Therapist, who was able to get the message through to me in the right way.

JUST WALK. DON’T PUSH. JUST WALK. DON’T THINK TOO HARD. JUST WALK. DON’T JUDGE. JUST WALK.

Well, turns out she might just be onto something.

I think I’ll continue to do just that.

WALK!

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GO AWAY LUPUS AND MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS!

DO YOU MIND BODY?!

I’M TRYING TO HAVE A LIFE HERE.

GO AWAY LUPUS, MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS, IBS, SINUS ISSUES, SENSITIVITIES TO EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD IT SEEMS LIKE! I’M DONE WITH YOU TODAY!

Of course, I’ve been done with you before you even started but I don’t want you here. Can’t you see I’m busy? Can you see I’m trying to expand my life? Can you see my mind’s busy? Yeah, I know that you get tired of my busy mind but I have given up and changed so many things in my life for you. MY MIND IS SOOOOO LESS BUSY THAN IT USED TO BE AND YOU KNOW IT BODY…

WHY DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP MORE TODAY?

ENOUGH!

Sure, I’m better than I was a year ago or perhaps even 6 months ago. Well that’s all good and I’d like to celebrate but not today.

I DON’T WANT TO CELEBRATE!

And if I did celebrate would that wear me out too? Would my butt still feel like it’s kicked? Would my hands still hurt while typing this? Would any activity take the wind out of me before I even really started it?

YES there is weird different weather happening. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT. It was 85 in LA for 2 days and then just warmer in general and now a big COLD storm is coming which I started feeling a week ago and my body is CONFUSED!

OK. WELL CONFUSION DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO STOP EVERYTHING!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

HOW DO I EXPAND MY LIFE WHEN YOU KEEP GETTING IN MY WAY?!

Sure I just had 2 doctor appointments last week and both doctors said they thought I was so much better.

BETTER….

BETTER….

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THAT MEANS EXACTLY?

BETTER….

Yet here I am with my butt feeling kicked again and feeling CRAPPY. What’s weird about today is that I’m having symptoms that I CANNOT DESCRIBE. I guess I just need to call them WEATHER SYMPTOMS…

AND THIS IS ME! I’M A WEATHER GEEK FOR GOODNESS SAKES! I LOVE THE WEATHER! I WANT TO BE FOCUSED ON THE EXCITEMENT OF THE IDEA OF “YAY!” WEATHER IS HAPPENING IN LA! HOW COOL IS THAT?!

Not.

Cool.

When.

I.

Have.

MS.

And.

Lupus.

………………………………

And yet somehow I just keep on going and am able to write this. I had to get it out. I’M SO FRUSTRATED! And the world keeps turning despite how I feel. And I look out the window and watch as people go along with their day…and they have NO IDEA what I’m going through and I have NO IDEA what’s happening in their lives.

AND LIFE GOES ON.

And yes I will be excited about the weather.

BUT.

The

MS

And

Lupus

Will Still Be Here With Me Through It All…

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I Survived the Hydrogen Breathing Test!

Well.  That’s over.

I did it.  I’m still recovering and settling in but it was OK.

I did the test with one other gal who was pretty pleasant.  Another person was supposed to do it too but she showed up too late and they rescheduled her.  I don’t even think she was ten minutes late.  Phew.  Glad I got there early and stuff.

Anyway, first we had to drink this cup of water that had this weird sugary powdery not so yucky but not so good stuff in it.  Then we had to blow into this bag/balloon thingie and this tube and apparently it was measuring things and stuff from my breath.  CRAZY.  From what I read, it was measuring the amount of hydrogen I was producing just from my breath and that’s supposed to tell them if I have any small intestine bacterial overgrowth because I guess some of the bacteria can produce hydrogen.

WEIRD HUH?

Anyway, so I hadn’t eaten since 8:30pm the night before and was really dragging and doing things like almost punching Corey in the eye while saying goodbye to him this morning while he was still waking up in bed. Then I was draggy and words weren’t registering when I got there when others talked to me.  Then I was achy and creaky and all I wanted was water. I kept trying to reach for my invisible water bottle. So used to always having some water. And my body was so confused because it was out of routine and I hadn’t taken any meds yet and then it had to drink this weird stuff.

So then my belly reacted and everyone was like “UH OH” but I think it was just like–“What the heck is this crapola and where’s the real stuff”? because then it seemed to calm down.  Then every 20 minutes this nice lady would come in and have us breathe into the bag and tube and around and around we went. One time I lost track of my concentration and was worn out from doing this breathing stuff and first sucked in and then had no air left to go out but she said it was still readable so OK.

I tell ya though, drinking water and eating afterwards was GLORIOUS!  I’m so blessed to be able to drink and eat when I’m allowed to and have enough money to do so.  I know some people have to go days without drinking or eating and never know when they’ll be able to do so again so I was trying not to get too whiny about it, BUT IT WAS STILL HARD.  I’ll admit it.

MY BODY WAS OUT OF ROUTINE.

So I have been spending the rest of the day trying to get myself back.  I’m pretty wiped and yet I’m so glad that my body is strong enough to be able to handle such a strange experience to go through that is completely out of my comfort zone.  I know there is a reason I haven’t taken the test until now.  I would’ve been much more of a mess before if I had done it in the past.

Monday I see my doctor and hopefully I’ll find out the results.  FINALLY.  Been thinking about taking this dang test or something like it for years.  I didn’t know what I’d be in for but was told and cautioned by my Gastroenterologist at the time to be cautious and to wait if we were to do it at all because it may take a really big toll on my body.

Well it hasn’t been awful.  It’s just been uncomfortable and thankfully I didn’t have anything else planned that I HAD to do so I was able to REST MORE today and into the evening.

So that’s that.

Another test I can check off my list.  Oh the strange things I do to find out what’s going on in my body…

GOOD TIMES!

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OH THE FUN MEDICAL TESTS I GET TO HAVE!

Just posted this on Facebook as my status and thought it was a GREAT BLOG RANT FOR TODAY!  Look at what I get to do tomorrow…GOOD TIMES!
“So I have to do a strange test first thing tomorrow morning for at least 3 hours called the Hydrogen Breathing Test. They’re going to be giving me things to ingest (great–something tells me it won’t be yummy) and have me blow into a balloon-like thingie to see how my digestive system reacts… Oh goody. Something tells me I may not be feeling too good from this. And I’ve also been doing a strange type of prep diet for it that makes me feel both full and hungry at the same time. Glad to be able to eat but so bizarre. Leave it to me to have to do weird tests and do weird things to see if I can find out what’s going on in my body. Soooo, I’ll be bringing books and music and posting a lot on FB I’m sure with my phone even though they don’t have WiFi–which reminds me to bring a charger… So that means I can’t really watch anything because my IPad doesn’t have WiFi but oh well. I’m told I’ll be doing this test with a small group of people. I hope they’re OK to hang out with that long or it could be even more fun! So yeah. That’s what I’ve been preparing for all week. Please if you can, send along some good vibes. I can’t eat or drink ANYTHING after 8:30pm tonight because I need 12 hours of no ingestion and the tests starts at 8:30am. NO WATER?! BUT I LIKE WATER! I’m ALLOWED to brush my teeth and rinse thoroughly in the morning BUT THAT IS IT. Sooooo, I won’t be able to eat or take any meds (but WHAT THEY GIVE ME–ACK!) till at least 12pm tomorrow if I’m lucky…OY!!! NEEDLESS TO SAY, I HAVE NOTHING ELSE PLANNED AFTER THE TEST EXCEPT TRYING TO EAT IF MY BELLY IS NOT TOO MESSED UP FROM WHAT THEY’VE GIVEN ME AND TAKING MY MEDS SO I CAN FEEL MORE LIKE ME AGAIN…OH AND RESTING SHOULD BE GOOD TOO…Will be glad when it’s over that’s for sure.—And this is all happening when my digestive system is starting to settle down again…OF COURSE! TIMING IS EVERYTHING RIGHT!?”
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A CLEAN MOUTH OF HEALTH!

OMG!  No WAY!

This is the second time in a row that I have gone to the Dentist and been told that my mouth is doing really well!  HOW COOL IS THAT?!

See with LUPUS and lupus medications, I have had a tendency to have dry mouth syndrome (I know there’s a name for it), swollen gums, bleeding gums, sensitive teeth, a sensitive or swollen tongue (TMI I know), cankers and just a whole bunch of IRRITATION!

Well lately I’ve been thinking about my Dentist appointment coming up and have realized that I have not been thinking about my mouth lately.  Now isn’t that a weird sentence for ya!  Funny how that is.  I have been thinking about issues and symptoms in my mouth for years…EVEN BEFORE THE LUPUS DIAGNOSIS IN AUGUST 2010.

SO YEAH.

All is CLEAN AND WELL IN NAHLEEN’S MOUTH!

That may have been more than you needed to know but I’m happy to share it because right now, any good physical health is a huge VICTORY for me these days!

The ONLY REMINDER I got from my Dentist is to be really careful and pay extra attention to my Wisdom teeth (yes I still have ALL 4 OF THEM!  If only I was more WISE from them…) because that’s where all the problems can really start since they’re so hard to get to.  I get that reminder every time so it wasn’t a big concern.

SO HOW COOL IS THAT?!

I NEED MORE APPOINTMENTS LIKE THAT!

I was so up from that good news and appointment that I found myself eating lunch at the Veggie Grill using a gift card given to me by an awesome friend, and having my favorite B-Wing Salad (if you haven’t tried you have got to!), then driving to Santa Monica beach so I could pick up some purple hair dye and stock up at a new store (of which I LOVE and had no idea about–thank you SIRI on my IPhone–you may be creepy but you helped a lot today), ended up purchasing some special muscle soak bath salts that are all natural and stopped by a Jamba Juice to try to get some extra nutritional needs taken care of since I’m going on a special diet prep for a special Hydrogen Breathing Test on Thursday.  Needless to say Wednesday will be weird, hence the dying the hair purple to pep me up for Thursday’s “UN-FUNNESS” of no eating and no meds till after the test that may take over 3 hours (YIPPY SKIPPY), and nurturing the body because lupus and MS can get very irritated from being so OUT OF ROUTINE and depleted of all things to take care of it.

I also found myself driving along the coast and parking very easily at a spot along the street with my Handicapped Placard (best part about having one is parking and not having to pay for meters or worry about time constraints unless they’re Street Sweeping–learned that the hard way years ago) and walking down the stairway (COULD NOT HAVE PLANNED THAT BETTER), only to find myself walking out onto a WALKWAY halfway onto the beach and then straight towards the ocean.  It was a cloudy cool day so hardly anyone was there…THAT IS EXCEPT 2 DIFFERENT PHOTO SHOOTS (one of them may have been a music video–so WISH I knew who those 2 different women in different locations were with their whole entourages) and lots of birds taking advantage of the absence of weird human creatures.

Once that was done I dragged my satisfied self (getting tired by then but so happy to be taking care of myself and things just so wonderfully falling into place) to the grocery store to get some regular groceries and other items to help me get through the strange diet menu I need to have tomorrow to Prep for that Thursday test.

SO ALL IN ALL.  A pretty good day even if I do say so myself and I DO!

Was also nice to see that our Cleo Kitty was doing better since this morning because this morning she got sick I think from eating her food too fast and that always worries us with her health issues.  She seems to still be recovering but is much better I think.  Was probably good for me to get away and leave her alone so she could get some REAL rest but BOY was she HAPPY TO SEE ME AND I TO SEE HER.

I LOVE MY CLEO KITTY!

OK.  Time to unwind…

It’s nice when days fall into place.  They rarely do that with such ease and I’m going to take the time to enjoy that…

AND BREATHE…

RIGHT NOW.  DID YOU BREATHE WITH ME?  YOU SHOULD TRY IT.  MAKES A BIG DIFFERENCE.

That’s even better.

Hope you all have had a good day too!  We all deserve more of those!  Write to you soon!

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It’s So Hard to Have Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus and…Part 3

…and BE ME…

…and HAVE LIMITS…

I mean, let’s face it.  I’m a hard person to be.  I have goals.  I have ambitions.  I am a Go-Getter.  I am a Type A Personality by Instinct. The first idea in my head is GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!

There’s no room for LIMITS…

Hmmmmmmm……

Welllll……

That’s really hard to deal with when I have multiple sclerosis and lupus.  I’m not even mentioning the digestive symptoms and syndromes, food allergies, environmental allergies, any infections that I might be fighting off, the fun womanly once a month irritations, sinus symptoms and issues, my crazy GOGOGOGOGOGOGO head, or even headaches that might come and go here and there.  I mean really.  I don’t get a chance to GOGOGOGOGOGO.  And if I do by chance get back into that habit, I am in TROUBLE and back on my butt FEELING AWFUL FOR SOME REASON…

UGH…

Sure that’s probably a really good thing.  Actually, it’s a blessing that I am grateful for quite often.  I’m grateful that I have to take it slower and actually see my life go by.  I don’t get a chance to be sprint through it.  I get an opportunity to get to know myself (scary sometimes yet really nice to do), to get to know others out there in the world who are cashiers and other customers for example, to smell the flowers, to really take care of my plants, to love on my dearest Cleo Kitty, to sit and just BE (so hard sometimes), to take my time, to look at the sky, to watch the world, to take a few extra breaths and maybe even DEEP BREATHS here and there…

BUT I WANT THE CHOICE to GOOOGOOOOGOOOO…or Do I?

I really have no idea.

I just don’t like having multiple sclerosis and lupus.  That’s just it.  I can’t stand them.  I want them to go away.  If I’m not careful I get sucked into a black hole of “Why me?” and “What did I do to deserve this?” and “Why won’t they just leave me alone?” and the list goes on and on…I think I could go on forever in what I call “WHOAISMS” and sometimes I believe I’m allowed to do that.  But I hope I have something to pull me out and I usually do.

So then I need to really work on spirituality whatever that means to me that day.  I could be meditating.  I could be actually letting myself sleep if my body and schedule allows.  I could be looking at the flowers.  I could be beating on my Bongos.  LOVE THAT by the way!  Seriously, if you have anger, I suggest you find something to beat on as long as it’s not yourself, or another living being, or something you’re going to damage—hmm….maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned to find just anything to beat on.  For a long time I’ve used the Hulk Hands that are out in toy stores that Corey has bought me (the first pair really was the best) that actually had Hulk’s voice and yelled, “Hulk Smash!” and would growl so when I put them on I got to laugh and feel big and strong and punch the wall.  I don’t recommend punching a wall without that kind of cushion.  PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHATEVER YOU DO.

But then now I have these Bongos and that’s great but I can’t just jump in and do a long set of banging.  I have to pace myself and only do it a few minutes at a time and build up to longer because then my hands and arms hurt.  Well, that’s just great.

So that’s what I mean, I’m always putting limits on myself and what I can do but in TRUTH: THERE REALLY ACTUALLY ARE LIMITS.  I’d like to continue to be able to use my hands and arms which are the most affected by both my lupus and MS and I’d also like to not feel the pain and throbbing from having overused them…on the bongos that I just enjoyed banging on to help me relax and calm down…

Then there’s the exercise.  Exercise is great to keep me flexible and stable.  Yay.  Go me.  Notice I’m not too excited about it.  Some days it feels like real work and like my body is complaining the ENTIRE TIME.  Then other days my body is thrilled and wants to be stretched and moved even more.  But again, there are actual limits if I want to keep functioning.  It is cumulative.  However, WALKING HAS BECOME MY THING.  I am well on my way to having walked 300 days in a row by the end of February.  AND THERE IS A LIMIT TO THAT.  I need to NOT JUDGE myself about walking and what I did that day.  I need to not push myself to walk an hour every day.  I need to be willing to only even walk a few minutes if that’s all I can do.  The TRUE BENEFIT comes out of keeping my legs and body moving and honestly, it’s helped my mind immensely too.  I have so much more confidence now than I used to in general just because of walking but they have truly loosened up and become more stable, strong and can endure more.  They DON’T complain that often anymore.  And by now it’s become such a habit to take a walk that I can’t imagine my life without it.

But then there’s trying to have a life.  I know.  Crazy.

A LIFE.

You know, that life where I can socialize with people, maybe even have some real friends out here in LA, maybe even keep in touch with the friends and family at a distance, spend more time with my husband, get out into the world and do things besides grocery shopping (although that is important too), and doctor appointments, and medical tests and be on the phone with something regarding Disability, Medical Insurance, following up with doctors, finding an attorney for a legal issue, filling out paperwork and the list goes on.  And what about being creative?  I yearn to be creative but I can’t do too much OR I have to slow down and my body asks for it.  But when will that happen?

WHEN AM I DOING TOO MUCH?  WHEN IS IT WORTH IT TO PUSH IT?  WHERE IS THE LINE?

There is no pattern or predictability.

Again, the worst part about these diseases is the UNPREDICTABILITY.

For goodness sakes, if only they were PREDICTABLE.  What a different world it would be.  I might be able to make plans and keep them.  I might be able to sign up to take regular hobby classes or regular ANYTHINGS.

I mean, let’s not forget it takes me at least 4 hours to get ready in the morning if I’ve included waking up, stretching my body in bed to get it moving again (tends to get stuck and stiff from sleeping if I’ve slept that is), do more stretches to stand up, follow a spiritual way of life (numerous ways to do that and I try to be creative with that), probably go to the bathroom (I know TMI), take a few pills, feed and be with my Cleo Kitty who has health issues of her own and is desperate to eat by 7am or ELSE, try to wake up a bit more before eating and taking more meds, plan out my day, get stuff ready to go if I have a medical appointment and I usually have at least one a week (the next 3 weeks I have 2 each week–goody gumdrops for me), pull myself together meaning exercise to the best of my ability to wake up my body, take a shower which is an event in itself and can take a lot out of me, not to mention brushing my teeth (an electric toothbrush is best so I can save my hands and arms and their energy), get dressed, try to make my hair look presentable (thank goodness for purple short hair so it’s already kinda cool and easy), pet and love my Cleo Kitty who always needs extra love and well so do I, make sure I wear my hat to protect from the sun, wear my sun protective jacket or at least a shirt with longer sleeves, get Cleo ready for me to be gone, make some sort of business calls if I have the chance, try to sit and rest here and there because it’s a lot to ask my body since so much activity has already happened, try to maybe wash the dishes or at least some of them, sort through any weird symptoms I’m having and do my best to take care of them, and the list can still go on.

THAT’S JUST THE MORNING EVENTS…no matter what even if I’m feeling crazy fatigue–I may go back to bed but what if I can’t because I have an appointment?  I’ve gotta get through it.  I’m so exhausted from thinking about my morning and writing about it that I haven’t even written the next parts of the day where I have to keep myself in check and have all my meds sorted out to take and make sure I take them on time and have meals at good times or I end up feeling worse.

And there’s always laundry to be done.  Can I do it today?  Should it wait?  What if we need underwear?  (Hey, I’m being honest).  And what about groceries?  What about the “What abouts”?

What’s the real priority?  There’s always some sort of life that needs to get done and if I let it go it’s still there tomorrow and I have to try to be ok with not getting it done YET.  I’ll admit, that is one of my biggest struggles.  LETTING SOMETHING GO UNTIL TOMORROW…OR ANOTHER DAY…OR ANOTHER DAY…

YET SOME THINGS CAN’T WAIT…

I’VE LEARNED TO LET GO OF A LOT BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I’M OK WITH IT.

So life just keeps on happening.  I keep having multiple sclerosis and lupus along with all the other syndromes and issues and the world keeps spinning.  Thank goodness for choices but it’s still so hard sometimes.  I really have eased up on so much in my life and with my expectations but it takes a strict way of thinking that I really can’t get lazy with too much (sometimes it’s a wonderful thing but I can’t let go of it too long or I lose myself again and may go back to pushing too hard)…

SO I GUESS I’M STILL LEARNING…

THESE CHRONIC ILLNESSES I TELL YA…

There is just so much I can say about them and so much I don’t have the words or energy to talk about.

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