Monthly Archives: July 2012

Detachable Limbs

I woke up this morning with heavy limbs and achy joints. Not a fun combination.

Wouldn’t it be so cool to have detachable limbs? I’m not talking about the prosthetic limbs although those are totally awesome! Thank goodness for those. But what if we had bodies with limbs that were able to detach? We really could be the only ones who could detach our own limbs as needed. The idea would be to let these limbs rest themselves and get rejuvenated.

That’s what I wanted this morning. I have found myself fantasizing about these things because I have learned over the years that I need to love my body no matter what is happening and not hate it for not being “perfect”. This is the body I have. That means I can’t run away from my body, be mean to it and beat it up for not feeling well. It’s just trying to be a body.

So what else could be done to help it? Well, the detachable limb idea comes to mind. I really wanted to be able to detach my arms and legs and put them aside to rest and recover for the day, this morning. Sure I’d be just a torso and that sounds creepy but the idea would also be that my torso would be incredibly capable on its own (okay, now I’m kinda freaking myself out with this idea) OR how about having prosthetic limbs for even these specific times when the actual human limbs really just need some down time?

So on that note, I’m glad I could write something tonight. I did rest my whole body today (having to cancel a date with a friend–dang it) and it did help. If it didn’t help then I wouldn’t be able to type this so easily.

Which then reminds me that I really need to learn the audio to text software a good friend (who is one of my followers–so sorry to reveal this to you right now) was so gracious to send me. BUT anyway, sounds like a project to do this weekend. Soon for sure. Then again, I also need to rest my mind when my body isn’t feeling well because if my mind is tired my body usually is too. So it was probably best I didn’t write a blog in any way today until this evening.

ANYWAY, about those Detachable Limbs…sure would be nice to have them. But since I don’t I will have to deal and rest my whole body when it asks me to. I am getting better at that.

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You’ve Come A LONG Way

Helloooooo!!!!

First of all before I forget, I want to welcome all of my new followers!  Thank you thank you thank you for joining me on this crazy journey of life with chronic illness.  It means so much!

Hope you all are starting your week off alright.  I got to start my Monday first thing with a “Fasting” appointment with my Primary Care Physician’s Physician Assistant this morning.  I tell ya.  The fun I have.

These “fasting” appointments always get me extra tense because well, who wants to go to a doctor appointment and not eat when they’re body is yelling for food?  Aren’t we told to eat 3 healthy meals a day and to be sure to eat breakfast?  Well, we can’t eat breakfast when we go to a morning “fasting” appointment now can we?  These doctors want accurate blood test readings for cholesterol and blood sugars levels and such.  Yeah, well, tell that to my body who decided to wake up this morning and be INCREDIBLY hungry!  Isn’t that always the way?

Sure I’m pleased that my body was hungry because 2 years ago at this time I was trying to teach my body how to eat and ACCEPT food again after being so severely ill I had to start on a basic diet of chicken broth and then build to applesauce and go from there.  BUT when I “fast” I can’t take my morning medications with an empty stomach so that waits too and my whole body gets screwed up.  And it was 2 years ago in June when my body started going into a huge shock of what we all believe (NOW) was part of a major lupus flare (had no idea at the time) that all started with a basic “fasting” appointment for an appointment with who was my NEW doctor at the time so he could get BASE levels of bloodwork for me.  Well, that “fasting” and then running to work and then running through the rest of the day was too much for my body to take and I became severely ill with vomiting, etc.  So of course I still take that baggage of memories with me to my appointments now.  I’m working on letting that go but it is VERY SLOW.

So anyway, back to the appointment this morning.  Sorry for the tangent.  I was able to see the original Physician Assistant who is now back in the office after being on her own Medical Leave of sorts that included Maternity Leave for what seemed like FOREVER, and it was really great to see her.  How cool is that?  It was felt really good to see a medical professional again.  I really think she is THE ONLY MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL I currently see who DOES NOT make me NERVOUS.  I put those words in caps because that is how nervous I still get around almost all medical peeps.

This woman is probably younger than me (hmm, seems to be happening A LOT lately and I’m not THAT OLD) and has been so caring, supportive, compassionate, has always listened to me, been calming, loving, has always paid attention to detail, is really smart and knowledgeable, has a great memory, and has ALWAYS made it a point to ask me so thoughtfully how I’m doing when she walks in the room and I know she means it.  What I remember most along this very slow and at times VERY DARK 2 year journey with her is how she ends each appointment with me telling me how far I’ve come and really making sure I understand that and give myself credit.  I can remember one appointment when she was telling me how happy she was that I was “feeling better” and even though I may have a long way to go to hopefully feel “good” one day, that I have come so very far and she was starting to cry.  I was pretty much in disbelief.  I almost wondered why she was crying and then I realized she was crying about me!  She REALLY connects.

So the appointment today went really well.  And wouldn’t you know my blood pressure was “normal”.  CRAZY.  It has not been normal lately ESPECIALLY when I have been to see my Rheumatologist for lupus and my Neurologist for MS.  It has been quite high.  I have known for quite a long time that I have “white coat syndrome” but this just proves it to me.  I saw the one medical professional I feel the most comfortable with and my blood pressure was normal.  I was nervous but not anxious around her.  There is a direct connection.  So now if she could be with me wherever I go that would be great.  Do you think she’d go for that?  To be my constant moral support everywhere?

To be honest, I’ve considered changing to a different Primary Care Physician than the one I’m seeing now (this lovely PA I speak of currently works in his office) because I don’t know that he’s a good fit for me anymore.  He’s not a bad doctor at all.  In fact, he has helped me immensely.  There have just been some issues that I have with his medical care that I don’t necessarily like and it may be time for a change.  However, after seeing this PA today I’m not so sure.  I see her every other appointment and I have to see him all the other times.  Is it worth it to stay with this office (really GREAT office staff!) and deal with the Doctor I don’t exactly like in order to see her half the time?  Not really sure so I guess that means it’s not the right time to make that decision yet.

Only time with tell what decision I make.  Luckily I don’t have to know that answer right now.

So just for today, I am satisfied with the appointment with a medical professional who really “gets it” who sent me on my way at the end of the appointment today with, “You’ve come a LONG way, Nahleen.  I’m very proud of you for all the work you’ve done.  You deserve to feel better.  I hope you give yourself credit for that.”–and AGAIN, I know she means it.  It’s not just part of her script.

Oh and by the way, it’s currently 6pm (Monday) and I’m doing okay.  Nothing horrible has happened because I “fasted” this morning.  Sure it messed up my body’s schedule, but thankfully my body can take it today.

 

…Guess I HAVE come a long way.

 

 

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OK OK

I woke up this morning and my body was begging me for REST!! OK OK. I get it. For now anyway. I’ll do my best to rest today.

I’m also gonna follow these unwritten prescriptions (although if they were in writing I might take them more seriously) that both specialists have given me in the past week.

1. Don’t be so hard on myself. I have MS and lupus. That is enough. That is MORE than enough.

2. Get more rest.

3. HAVE MORE FUN!!!

Alright. I’ll do my best. These really are the three main things I need to work on and I’m really pleased that my doctors picked up on that.

MORE FUN?! What’s that? I think I’m learning slowly…

And so, that’s what I’m doing today. Just wanted to pop in and say hello and put these 3 things in writing.

I guess they’re important…

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Smartypants

Guess what??

I saw my cute Neurologist today annnnddddd:

My multiple sclerosis is STABLE!

Great news!!! Turns out the lesions I have are the lesions I’ve had FOR-LIKE-EVER and they’re not active! No new ones to speak of. Just the ones that seem to have taken permanent residence on my brain–you know–for kicks and memories I guess. I won’t lie. I sure would like those old lesions to get the heck on out of my brain, BUT I’ll take what I can get.

As my doctor says, “Guess what? You have a beautiful brain!”. Hmm. Thanks…I think?

He’s also pretty darn thrilled with my physical improvement since I first met him almost 2 years ago and he gives me and the oral MS medication, Gilenya, A LOT of credit for that. As for Gilenya, there was a time earlier this year that he was worried about the reports of deaths while on it. Turns out, none of those deaths look like they are connected to Gilenya AT ALL (so sorry these people died BUT so relieved to hear it wasn’t Gilenya) and if there’s even a hint of a connection, they have nothing to do with my clinical make up and he is VERY HAPPY to keep me on it! Well OK then!!!

This Neurologist continues to be my favorite Neurologist so far which is saying A LOT since I have had crappy luck with these specialists in the past and I think he’s my 9th Neurologist in 10 years. It’s not just because he’s cute either. REALLY. No really. He’s knowledgeable, patient, compassionate, takes the time to talk to me, answers ANY and ALL of my questions, asks me about ALL of my health issues because he believes his MS patients can’t be truly healthy without taking care of the WHOLE body, his Assistant rocks it in the Assistant Department (and could give classes about how to handle Patient and Doctor demands), he responds very quickly to phone calls, he’s personable and quite humorous, pays attention to detail, he was very understanding when I had to cancel an appointment due to being sick, he’s proactive, and apparently he’s one of the top MS Specialist Experts in the country. You’d never know that from him. He doesn’t talk about that at all. I hear it from his colleagues (all the other doctors I see who work with him). Oh and did I mention he used to be a JAZZ MUSICIAN in a past life??? How crazy is that? How does that happen?–First a Jazz Musician, then a Doctor, then a Neurologist, then an MS Specialist??? When I asked him about the connection, he said, “I’m a Nerd.”

My clinical neurological tests during the exam went okay. I think I had some issues. He knows I’ve done those tests a bazillion times so he tries to trick me and ask me what I ate a week ago (not last night or this morning but a week ago). He tries to pull questions out of thin air and ask me what I don’t expect. When I answered the spelling of “orange” correctly (kinda hard to spell with your eyes closed–you should try it), he said, “OK Smartypants. Let’s see what else you can do”–and after he had me do a few more tests he told me to spell “orange” backwards…and then giggled about it. Yeah ha ha. Thank goodness I’ve always been a good speller and visualizer. Now you try spelling orange backwards with your eyes closed. HARD RIGHT????

So that’s that. My MS is probably just acting up because it wants to and because it’s been hotter. AND it takes nothing for me to get hotter when it’s extra sunny. And wouldn’t you know, he says I have a case of the “Double Whammy”…hmm…sensing a theme here. Isn’t that what my Rheumatologist said about lupus and MS last week???

So to end the appointment, he told me to “stop being so hard on myself.” He pointed out that I have multiple sclerosis AND lupus. Enough said I guess. I don’t know why that can’t stick with me more and I can’t accept that as ENOUGH.

Guess I just want to live a “normal” life WITHOUT multiple sclerosis and lupus.

BUT since that doesn’t seem to be in my near future (an obliteration of any disease at this point), I’ll continue to practice this “RESTING” thing that is all the Rage with doctors these days and TRY to be gentler with myself.

I’LL TRY.

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Proud of Myself.

I slept.

I’m still resting.

Feeling a bit more relaxed.

It’s working.

Gonna keep this up today.

Go me go!

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Moments of Peace Part 13

Hi!  As promised on Friday, here is the Moments of Peace post for that day!  And you know what’s really nice?  There were really some nice and peaceful moments to carry me through the week!  Thank goodness.

07/13/12 My view from my balcony as morning arrives. I love it when I can grab great sky moments from my own home!

07/13/12 My view from my balcony as morning arrives. Morning skies are some of my favorites!

07/13/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. The sky kept putting on a show all day!

07/13/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. And the show continued!

07/13/12 My view from my apartment building hallway window a bit later as day turns to night. Wonderful cloud flames!

07/14/12 My view in San Diego, CA as day turns to night. We ended up taking a whirlwind trip to the San Diego Comic-Con that day but that’s for a later Blog post!

07/15/12 My view in Westchester, CA as day turns to night. Love the colors in this rose!

07/15/12 My view in Westchester, CA as day turns to night.

07/16/12 My view on my late morning walk in West LA. There is a magic to the morning.

07/16/12 My view on my late morning walk in West LA. I really like how the trees frame this picture.

07/17/12 My view on my walk in Santa Monica, CA. This was taken after I had a brain MRI. It was so nice to see sunshine and nature and the big wide world!

07/18/12 My view from my balcony as morning arrives. The sky was quite dramatic last week as you can see. Love this!

07/18/12 My view from my balcony as morning arrives. Thank you sky for being so awesome!

07/18/12 My view from my balcony as day turns to night. So I’m doing my stretches on the living room floor and I just happen to glance out the window and see a mini rainbow! You can see it on the picture at the bottom center! It only lasted a little bit and then it was gone. So neat!

07/18/12 My view from my balcony as day turns to night. Another view of the mini rainbow this time in the bottom right corner of the picture.

07/18/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. The sky started going a bit crazy and all kinds of different clouds were appearing. Look at that blue sky!

07/18/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. Stormy sky and you know what? It did rain a bit. Crazy because I don’t think it’s rained in July in Los Angeles in the 12 and a 1/2 years we’ve been there!!

07/19/12 My view on my walk in Santa Monica, CA today. There’s something that really touches me about this picture with how green the leaves are against the very blue sky and the way the sun peaks through the edges of the leaves.

07/19/12 My view on my walk in Santa Monica, CA. Hello sun! It was very hot that day!

07/20/12 My view from the sun deck as day turns to night. Another beautiful sunset!

I was really looking forward to posting this today.  I’m so glad I was able to!

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Taking Some Time to Just Be

I’m exhausted from the week. Sooooo, I’ll be postponing my Friday Moments of Peace Blog to another date. This week held many moments of peace that I’d like to share with you and I’m hoping to be able to do so next week. Yes, there were definite moments of peace this week despite what else I’ve been posting. I guess that’s life huh?

So I’m taking some rest time to JUST BE. My body and mind are thanking me. Thank you all for being there. I’m in a better place mentally than I was yesterday. It’s all the processing I guess.

Welcome to my new followers too! Yay! It helps so much to know I’m not alone.

Take care and have a great weekend!

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Double Whammy

I have multiple sclerosis.

I have lupus.

Double whammy.

Not only do I have 1 disease but I have 2. It’s the summer. It’s REALLY sunny. I don’t know which disease (or it could be both) is acting up in my body or why but I do know that I don’t feel good and symptoms are starting to flare up. I was told by my Rheumatologist today that because I have both diseases I may never feel “good”. There will probably always be something happening in my body to cause me discomfort.

Now I know things are never for sure for any reason. Experience tells me that only time will tell what really happens or doesn’t happen. I went almost 8 years believing I only had MS and how I felt was “the way it was” until I was finally diagnosed with lupus 2 years ago and I learned I could feel “A LOT BETTER” than I had been feeling. And you know it’s true. I feel a lot better today than I did 2 years ago. Absolutely. Thank goodness and I am very grateful for that.

BUT…my doctor pointed out that I have been on a physical plateau for awhile and since it had been awhile she was thinking that may be my new baseline. Well OK–but NOT OK. So what happens from here? Isn’t it the unknown that’s so scary? Isn’t it our heads that freak us out too? I hear this and I start thinking, “Well this is it. This is all I have. I don’t ever get to feel better.”–but then what is there if I live with just those thoughts?

AND it’s back to one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time–whatever it takes to keep the “time” idea really simple. Because right now the summer and the sun are fogging my perspective and making me think that there is a LIMIT TO HOPE. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT! I have a wonderful husband, I have an adorable kitty, I have amazing supportive friends and family, I have a roof over my head, I have AC (THANK GOODNESS!), I have a great car, I have clothes, and the list of HOPE goes on and on.

BUT–I can’t mask it.

I am really struggling…

I’ve been very confused lately. I’ve been functioning better, able to exercise more, be a bit more active, I feel stronger, but YET I still have really bad fatigue, pain is coming back in my joints and especially my hands, I’m getting weird rashes, I get to the point in the day usually where I CRASH and my body is all done, I’m starting to have digestive issues again and I DON’T GET IT! What’s going on with me? Am I getting worse? But I thought I was better? How will I know when the weather is wacky and I’m so darn sensitive to it? And how can anyone really figure out which disease to treat when both diseases have been known to act up exaggeratedly during the hot times of the year????

My Rheumatologist and I had a very in-depth conversation about all of this today and that really means a lot to me that she took the time to talk and listen with me for quite awhile. She was understanding and compassionate but also very direct and to the point and not too harsh about it. I have MS. I have lupus. Double whammy. She confirmed that it’s going to be really hard for me. Will I be able to work again? What will I do now? What can I do now? She’s not really even sure that I’m much better than I was 6 months ago, it’s just that “THINGS ARE DIFFERENT” and so this probably really is my plateau. Perhaps I’d feel much better with only one disease (you know, as if only 1 of these diseases is a cup of tea–they’re all sucky)…but that’s not the case.

REALITY TELLS ME I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS AND LUPUS.

Reality HITS me these days. This is it. This is my life. Yes I could be a lot worse. Yes I could be a lot better. But the truth is, I don’t feel good. Will I ever feel “good”?

I will do my best to have hope but right now I AM TRUDGING and the muck is really thick and it is very easy to feel stuck…

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It’s An ’80s Kind of Day Part 13

Bring on the ’80s!  I need some fun!

1. Hungry Like the Wolf  By: Duran Duran

I had no idea there was a giggling gal in the beginning of the song till just now!  Where have I been?!  Who doesn’t know this song?  I mean, seriously.  If you were alive in the ’80s you probably know this song even if you don’t want to.  To me, this is not their best song.  They have some really great ones.  But it’s fun right?  So first we see lots of what look like hungry people and then this really stark white guy running through the busy street with a white blazer and no shirt on.  Hmm.  Seems a bit awkward to me.  And nope, doesn’t stand out one bit in that restaurant while he wears a fedora hat, the blazer and those wacky sunglasses.  Flip that table over!  That’s right.  It’ll show them!  And yes we get it, it’s hot there.  Oh yeah.  There’s a big search going on.  Yep.  Oh my goodness.  Cracking up over the fake elephant that looks like the Jungle Ride at Disneyland.  Hysterical!  And somehow his hair is still pretty darn perfect.  You know, I’m finding this video pretty degrading.  Hmm.  What the heck?!  And now he’s wearing paint on his face and in some sort of mating dance????

 

2. Sledgehammer  By: Peter Gabriel

Hey, isn’t that sperm in the beginning?  Wait, who’s reading this?  Did I know that’s what that was when I was a kid?  I LOVE Peter Gabriel.  This is so not his best song, BUT this video is pretty darn cool.  And can we say catchy song?  Great crazy close up eye shot.  Move those ears.  Cool!  Look at that model train!  So much to look at.  Nice use of props in this.  How long do you think it took to make this?  Even his hair is in different styles.  Those bumper cars are so cute!  Awesome.  Don’t remember his head being beaten by the sledgehammer.  Oh funny.  Now the fruit’s talking!  Great claymation.  This video is so creative and brilliant!  OH no.  There’s the egg that grows into a headless chicken.  I remember that freaked me out as a kid.  Actually, I think the chicken is pretty much all I remember.

 

3. Take My Breath Away (Top Gun Soundtrack)  By: Berlin

I so love this song.  Haven’t heard it in awhile.  And “Top Gun”…well how could you not LOVE Tom Cruise in this.  Yummy!  Even way back when I thought so.  It’s cool to see all the shots from the movie again.  Who remembers this song playing at school dances?  I sure do and I don’t know that I ever danced with anyone during this song but I bet I sure longed to.  I wanted someone to say, “take my breath away” to me and sweep me off my feet but the funny thing is that I wouldn’t believe that person was sincere now…Hmm.  Who thought they were a weird couple together in this?  She always seemed like she didn’t really like him or something.  Perhaps I was supposed to be her instead.  She has a cool car.  Hee hee.  As a young gal I thought I was really getting away with watching something I wasn’t supposed to during that very sexy love scene.  SADDEST SCENE EVER when his best friend died.

 

4. Love Shack  By: B52’s

Now this is a fun song!  Those crazy B52’s I tell ya!  I remember singing this song with another group of gals in college at karaoke and scaring the rest of the audience away.  We were singing just wonderfully of course and the next thing we knew we were the only ones in the room.  I wanna ride in an old convertible and sit on top of the seats in the back and scream out songs down a dirt road in the middle of the woods!  That looks like fun!  Wow.  They’re awful lip syncers.  Oh how funny is it that we are looking up through just a steering wheel and there’s a green screen behind him and we’re supposed to think he’s driving in the car.  That doesn’t look like a funky ole shack to me.  And you know, that shack doesn’t look little to me either.  I’m starting to think these people knew how to party!  Come on, let’s all sing it, “Bang Bang Bang on the door baby!”.  Best shot: random goat shown during her singing, “Tin Roof, rusted”.

 

5. Rock Me Amadeus  By: Falco

I have not been able to get this song out of my head.  I know.  Quality.  So hopefully putting it on this list will help it go away.  What is with the corny stuff in the beginning?  And of course we’re going back in time.  It would be too predictable otherwise.  He sure does think he’s all that.  And what is he saying?????  Funny funny.  The only word I even know or understand in this song is of course, “Amadeus”.  Ha ha ha!  What’s with the wig he’s wearing???  Look at that rockin’ microphone!  And now we’re with a bunch of bikers???  So random!  This really is so funny!  Was he serious???  OK.  I can honestly say that I have no idea what just happened at all in this video and I can’t get those few minutes back…

 

Well now that I’ve rocked your ’80s world….till next time!

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MRI

I got to have an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging test) test done on my brain today.

Good times!

Yeah not so much. I figured out today that I think this was my 15th one in the 10 years since my MS diagnosis. I never get used to them. I might know more about what to expect but that’s about it. Something about lying in the tube (feeling like I’m either going to be abducted by aliens or lift off in a spaceship), ear plugs in my ears (to hopefully block the very bizarre sounds that come from the machinery yet it can still be quite loud–but good luck when the technicians talk to you because you probably won’t hear them and you can’t move your head so that poses a whole other challenge), with your head locked in place, on a very very flat surface (when are they going to come out with cushiony mattress and pillow-type MRIs????), what looks like a cage over your head and sometimes even earphones for music (that ends up possibly blowing out your eardrums too) just really isn’t my cup of tea. Oh and then if the doctor orders Contrast (special dye to help bring up the trouble spots in my brain) then that’s a whole other set of good times, since I have to be pulled out of the place I was stuck in only to be teased to see a bit of the outside world, to talk but have no idea how loud I’m talking (ear plugs), be talked to by the person putting the needle in my vein (let’s hope it’s in the vein because it has hit muscle before and the pain is ridiculous), and then once they’ve decided I’m all set I have to be put back in the tube. That last part is usually the hardest for me because I know I’m almost done (they do contrast at the end) and that time seems really really draggy long.

I know. Crazy to think I don’t like any of the process. Also knowing that I am in there because I have multiple sclerosis and these MRI tests are necessary as routine check ups at least every year (and sometimes even sooner depending on what’s been happening in your body) and that there is NO END in site for the disease or for these MRI tests (because even if I don’t have health insurance I will be doing my best to have these tests done) doesn’t help either.

When I’m in the tube I hate that I can’t move. It was already hard when I was healthy (or at least I think I was healthy once–don’t remember much of that) to be stuck in one position and not be able to move (not sure when I ever was not able to move now that I think about it but anyway), but with MS and lupus, if I’m not moving I get really stiff and I start to have lots of pain. Plus I’m not comfortable and I’m probably bracing myself so I don’t even move one little millimeter because I’d hate to have to do it again so then I get worn out from using up all of that energy. And I’m a bit claustrophobic so that doesn’t help me at all and I just have to try not to think too hard about where I am and try to have faith that it’s all going to work out OK. Oh and how could I forget that I can’t wear my glasses in there so then I’m blind (yes, I have contacts but I’m still learning very slowly how to wear them again–long story).

Sure these tests help doctors diagnose many issues that might be happening with our brains and other parts of our bodies. Specifically when it comes to MS, it helps doctors find out if we have any lesions (or more lesions in my case) on our brains and if so, if they’re active and then they can see if the MS has progressed or not and what to do about it if so or even if not. Sure it’s eventually over. Sure it’s not nearly as terrifying as the first MRI I had almost exactly 10 years ago.

But see that first MRI when I was 25 (10 years ago) was ABSOLUTELY TRAUMATIZING AND TERRIFYING to put it lightly. I have yet to be able to even post all of the details of that part of my Diagnosis story here on my Blog because it was so hard to deal with and I still have so many issues in regards to that whole experience. I’ll just say that I’ve never been and hope to never be stared at with such pitying eyes (as if I was going to die and things were oh so “dire”) as that first technician looked at me with because she thought I had a brain tumor which then lead me to 3 very agonizing and awful days in the hospital stuck in some Alfred Hitchcock/Twilight Zone/Ray Bradbury story of my very own as the doctor finally told me that I “might” have MS but he wasn’t really sure so I should look it up online. But I digress. That really is a whole other story.

The point I’m trying to make here is that MRIs still suck after 10 years. BUT I’ve made it through each of them. They have come a long way in 10 years. The tubes aren’t nearly as long usually for me, perhaps there’s a bit more room, they may not be as loud (hard to say since each place is so different), I do have a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen, I know I can do it, I don’t have to get completely undressed and put on a gown (just had to take off my bra today or anything that had metal and was able to stay dressed–AMAZING), and I survived to write about it.

That’s something. It’s also not the hardest medical test I’ve ever had to endure.

I JUST DON’T LIKE THEM.

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