Daily Archives: March 23, 2012

WAIT

NO.

That’s what my head says. I woke up feeling awful. Heavy, fatigue in all kinds of forms, aches, stiffness, soreness (from Physical Therapy), weakness, blah, very slow and symptoms I haven’t found words for along with an overall feeling of NOT FEELING GOOD! EXHAUSTED. DONE.

Not happy. What about being like “all the cool kids” and seeing “The Hunger Games” movie on Opening Day? What about groceries? What about laundry? What about ANYTHING?

WAIT.

That’s what my body says. For 8 years (diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in December 2002) I didn’t listen to that enough and I kept doing my thing. Sure. I had to take SOME sick days when I was kicked on my butt, but I pushed and pushed through really hard and stressful days at work and I kept trying to do whatever it takes to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I had to let go of doing a lot of stuff and had changed my whole perspective of things since the MS diagnosis, so what was the problem? I mean, I had it down. If I just followed my own formula of “doing what I needed to do with my body to keep me going” then it would work. You know? That method played out until June 10, 2010 and I am still trying to recover from a COMPLETE BODY IMPLOSION.

In June 2010 I HIT A WALL. I had to be severely nauseous and unable to take any stimulation (light, sound, talking, reading, eating, you name it–what I call a Body Migraine) and have crazy high and toxic liver levels to make me STOP (liver levels are normal now thank goodness) and to make me WAIT. (More on that whole experience in a later Blog I’m sure). And then it wasn’t until August 2010 that I was diagnosed with lupus and clarity knocked me over. I had to LISTEN to my body and stop making deals with it and include it in the decisions about my life. My head couldn’t run the show anymore.

So today I STOP. WAIT. LISTEN. And I give my body RESPECT even if I’m really upset about it and I feel like I’m missing out on all the activities of “normal human lives”–as if I know what those are.

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